Despair: The Ultimate Taboo

One of the readers of my Human Overpopulation: The Taboo Topic post sent me an email which launched an interesting exchange about despair. He wondered whether despair was the ultimate taboo topic, especially for activists.

In my years as an activist there has been a profound shift among those who work for change. Instead of indulging our rage against, and even hatred towards, those who exploit, oppress, and destroy, many of us make a spiritual practice of our changemaking efforts, with Gandhian non-violence, Mother Teresa love, and Dalai Lama compassion as guides. We may be angry, but we channel that anger toward action that is positive, healthy, and productive. We may seethe inside, but we practice compassion even toward others who are cruel, until we truly feel the kindness we know it is best to express.

But then there is despair. We work for change, knowing through our own experience that Joan Baez was right, at least much of the time, when she said, “Action is the antidote to despair.” But sometimes, despite our action, we still despair.

But we dare not admit it.

If we admitted that we thought it was hopeless to work tirelessly for change, how would we inspire others to join our efforts? Why would they? If we even admitted it to ourselves, we, too, might stop trying to heal this tattered world. Where would that leave us? With despair and apathy – a soul-destroying combination.

But I believe it’s time to break the despair taboo and see what else might happen when we acknowledge our hopelessness.

I’ll go first.

I sometimes, even often, feel despair.

And then I keep on working. And the reason I do so is because I still have to live with myself, and giving up on my commitment to make a difference and play a role in trying to solve our problems would leave my life bereft of meaning — perhaps even of the capacity for real joy. I suspect I wouldn’t try so hard to be good. And maybe that means I would cause greater harm and suffering, creating a tragic negative feedback loop.

So while I admit to sometimes feeling despair, I refuse to indulge it, because doing so serves nothing and no one. And I imagine that if I did indulge my despair, it could balloon into unremitting depression and hopelessness. If instead I carry on, doing the work I am compelled to do, whether or not it amounts to anything of ultimate value, I keep despair at bay. And I don’t give up on all those who are also striving to make a difference and all those whom our combined efforts do, in fact, affect positively.

Like rage and hatred, despair is a feeling we need to channel, not feed. So if you feel despair, admit it. Express it with those you trust. Then keep on working for a better world despite it.

~ Zoe

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2 Responses

  1. [...] I know for whom endless work brings great joy because it is the “antidote to despair” that I wrote about in a previous blog post, quoting Joan Baez. But for many others, the constant effort to create change, the burden of guilt [...]

  2. In this world there is no time to despair, the world never stops spinning so why should you stop? Why channel this, why not over power it with ambition and determination? You’re not bottling this up, simply, you are becoming stronger then despair.

    If you can’t lift something heavy, you should become stronger, then come back to it, right? Shouldn’t we be able to become stronger emotionally? I’ve done it, I’ve become stronger then most of my emotions, they don’t cloud my judgment and I choose the logical solution.

    But I’m not a robot, I just get to choose what to feel, so I can feel sad, but come out of it and enter happiness within seconds. The memory is there, it will always be there, but don’t let your memory control your productiveness either.

    One last thing…Can I use some of your post in my book?

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