Flying home from Portland, Oregon, on October 12, I sat diagonally across from a woman who became increasingly disruptive, belligerent, and aggressive. I’d missed the initial altercation between her and the man sitting in the chair in front of her, only tuning in when the flight attendant attempted to get her attention (she was masked and hooded with eyes closed and head down) to ask her to move her legs from pushing against the back of his seat. Apparently, she’d been kicking his seat incessantly.

Her reaction was intense and hostile, accusing the man of pushing his chair against her legs, bruising and assaulting her. She would not remove her legs from his chair. She was emotionally out of control and began yelling at the flight attendant, who calmly backed off. Then she began jabbing her neighbor in the middle seat quite hard with her elbow. She clearly knew this woman (who was also masked and hooded). At this point I was watching her attentively, and she was alternately crying, pushing the seat in front of her violently with her legs and hitting her companion.

Eventually a man came to talk to her, showing her his FBI badge and explaining that she needed to settle down or there would be trouble for her at our destination. She just became more enraged, threatening, hostile, and practically begged to be arrested, putting out her arms to be cuffed and saying, “Go ahead, arrest me – I want you to arrest me.” She said she had restless leg syndrome and was on medication for it and that’s why she moved her legs a lot (but this, of course, was no explanation for her violent kneeing of the seat in front of her), and she denied knowing the woman next to her, who was practically mute and kept putting her head in her hands and shaking her head. She also wanted the man seated in front of her, whom she was now accusing of assault, to be arrested. The federal marshal did speak to him separately (he’d been moved to the seat across the aisle). She also began taking pictures of all of us around her.

By the time we landed, she simply refused to follow basic regulations. She wouldn’t put her seat up for landing, and when the flight attendant did so, she pushed it right back. She wouldn’t store her bag under the seat in front of her, and kept taking it out and putting it on her lap.

And so when we landed, we were all told to remain seated, and a police officer came on board and escorted her off the plane. As she was walked off, she yelled at the man who’d been sitting in front of her, “Wife beater!”

The whole time I was observing this situation unfold, I kept thinking, “What’s the MOGO thing to do here? What would the Dalai Lama or Mahatma Gandhi do if they were sitting diagonally across from this woman as I was?” I thought about asking the woman if she needed help because she was clearly suffering, but I didn ’t feel that I had the skills to confront her mental illness, and I worried that I could make the situation worse. Each time she was spoken to – by the flight attendants or the federal marshal – the situation briefly escalated.

So I think the MOGO thing for me was to do nothing, which was what I did, and leave the interventions in the capable hands of the crew. I was impressed with how well they handled the situation. They remained calm, professional, and clear and found a good balance between efforts to de -escalate while still imparting the urgency of the situation in demanding that she calm down. Bravo to the crew on United flight 250.

On my second flight home I sat next to a psychologist, and I described what had happened and asked his opinion. What would he have done? It was interesting to hear his thoughts and to know that he would not have intervened either (nor did he think the Dalai Lama would). He made the point that she had some motivation that was unseen to the rest of us. Perhaps, for example, she wanted to be arrested to avoid something at her destination.

At any rate, I learned a few things. First, I learned that others behaving in a MOGO way (as the crew was doing) is enough. One doesn’t necessarily have anything MOGO to add. Second, I learned that I really lacked any skills or knowledge to intervene anyway, but that I was ready and willing to – which was good to know. In the face of the Kitty Genovese horror, when no one called the police as she was killed in a courtyard, despite her desperate cries — which dozens heard — I’m glad to know that my first inclination is not to do nothing, even though in this case it was the MOGO choice in the end. I also learned that we owe a lot of respect, admiration, and appreciation to flight crews. Yes, I’ve experienced the occasional surly flight attendant, but I was so impressed with this crew and their response, and I have a new gratitude for them, given the challenges they face.

~ Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind

Image courtesy of aschaeffer.

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Filed under: MOGO (Most Good) Tagged: | air travel, flight attendants, flights, gratitude, mental illness, MOGO choices, passengers, social psychology, violence