Reading one of Sy Safransky’s Notebook entries in The Sun magazine this week provided a great explanation for my continued complaining (see my New Year’s day post: Stop Complaining) and provided some clarity for why it’s so hard to break this habit. Sy writes:

“In the nineteenth century it took six months to cross the country by covered wagon. At the start of the twentieth century it took six days to make the trip by train. Yesterday I flew from North Carolina to California in a little more than six hours. The engineering marvel of a modern jetliner borders on the miraculous, yet how mundane flying has become. There I was, soaring through the air at hundreds of miles an hour, fulfilling one of humanity’s age-old dreams, and all I could think about was how little legroom I had and when the couple behind me was going to shut up.” (The Sun, January 2010)

When something becomes mundane we take it for granted. When we take something for granted we cease to think about it, and when we cease to think about it, we fail to cultivate our gratitude for it. We notice when things go awry, not when they go as planned. For example, most of us in the U.S. and other industrialized countries never have to think about obtaining water. Each day we drink from our taps, take showers and bathe in hot water that flows from our spigots and showerheads , and flush our wastes away in clean water. Imagine that. Not only do we fail to appreciate this incredible gift, we also fail to see its shadow (coal-fired power, sewage systems that pump our wastes into the environment, and so on). We only seem to notice if the water stops coming.

I remember the story of Boris Yelstin’s eyes filling with tears when he experienced a U.S. supermarket. But those tears will inevitably dry up in his or anyone’s eyes as soon as aisles of relatively inexpensive and abundant food (however unhealthy, overpackaged , and processed) become the norm. Our expectations just grow, and our ease in finding fault and vectors for new complaint just expand.

I wish I knew the solution to this beyond a committed practice of gratitude. I’ve written about Naikan, a Japanese form of self-reflection, in previous blog posts. As a reminder, Naikan revolves around three questions (you fill in the blank):

1. What have I received from ________________?
2. What have I given _______________?
3. What trouble or difficulty have I caused _______________?

Later this month I’ll be flying to Vancouver, B.C., for work (see my speaking schedule). I’m planning to practice Naikan on the plane and reflect upon what I’ve received from the airline, airport, pilots, flight attendants, mechanics, and all the personnel and inventors and engineers who will have made my flights possible. If something goes wrong and I miss one of my two connecting flights or wind up spending hours in an airport due to inclement weather or experience some other hassle, I hope that I will be able to maintain my resolve not to complain and instead find ways to still marvel, be grateful, and give something back.

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind

Image courtesy of Genkaku.

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Filed under: Cultural Issues, gratitude, MOGO (Most Good) Tagged: | attitude, complaining, expectations, gratitude, intentions, introspection, MOGO choices, Naikan