My good friend and colleague, Mary Pat Champeau, once offered me some words of wisdom, ones that helped her to maintain integrity, equanimity, and calm no matter what the situation. She said, “I try not to let anyone else determine how I will act.” This has been one of the most important pieces of advice that I’ve ever received, and I wish that it came more naturally to me to heed it.

I’m what you might call a reactive person. Zero to one hundred in a split second. I don’t know how to stop my reactive nature, but I do know that I can consciously choose not to act upon my immediate reactions. In other words, if my heart races as adrenalin rushes through me; if my brain has generated immediate, but unwise words; if my body is in flight or fight mode, I can still, albeit with enormous effort, refuse to indulge my reactions and pause long enough to follow Mary Pat’s good advice.

There will always be others who enrage us; who hurt us; who cause us great fear and consternation. But to have integrity, to be true to our deepest values, we must remind ourselves again and again that no matter what another does or what behavior incenses us, we and only we are responsible for our actions and our words. Unless we have been imprisoned or live under a dictatorship (or, as women, under some patriarchal strangleholds), we adults should blame no one else for our actions. We can seek to understand the ways in which we don’t live with full integrity, courage, or honesty. We can look to cultural norms and unhealthy systems that influence us, but as soon as we say or do things that defy our own values, we must look nowhere but in the mirror.

Imagine how your life and those you impact would improve if you were to let no one else decide how you would act, but instead acted based on what you believe and value with your most deepest and fervent effort.

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind

Like my blog? Please share it with others, comment, and/or subscribe to the RSS feed.

Filed under: Inner Peace, MOGO (Most Good), responsibility, values Tagged: | calm, Inner Peace, integrity, MOGO choices, reactiveness, responsibility, values, wisdom