To Bear Reality, We Must Cultivate Joy, Connection, Compassion

I’m traveling a lot this month, so please enjoy this repost from 11/24/08.

T.S. Eliot once wrote, “Humankind cannot bear much reality.” In today’s world, threatened as it is by global climate change, human overpopulation, massive extinctions, fresh water depletion, toxic waste, and replete with escalating worldwide slavery, brutal institutionalized animal cruelty, human starvation and many more problems, it’s no wonder we can’t bear much reality.

In our graduate programs at the Institute for Humane Education, we know students struggle with the content of their courses (on education, human rights, environmental preservation, animal protection, and cultural issues such as consumerism, social psychology, media, and globalization). Although every course has books and articles with practical and wise solutions to our problems, each also exposes our students to the challenging realities of our time. After all, we cannot solve our entrenched problems and transform unhealthy systems if we don’t know about and understand them.

Many of our students struggle with the dark content of some of the books and films in the program because, indeed, it is hard to bear that much reality. But there is another reality that our program explores: that of our human capacity to experience wonder, joy, connection, compassion, and understanding. Our students are required to spend time in a natural setting, participate in activities that reawaken their reverence, meet and connect with people from other cultures, listening to their stories and building relationships. Each student also does a practicum, not only to put their knowledge and training into practice, but also to experience the joy that comes in doing the work of humane education.

Yes, we cannot bear much painful reality, and so we must cultivate the joyful reality that is our inheritance so that we can hold the joy and pain together and rely upon our experience of profound connection and empathy to face and transform those systems which harm. If we expect to change the world through doomsday stories, we will find that many turn away, unable to bear that much reality. But if we inspire people to fall in love with this gorgeous planet, revel in their senses and ability to feel awe, turn their apathy into compassion, and hear the stories of the heroes among us, then we will discover that our reality is huge: full of light, dark, and everything in between, and we can bear it all in our hearts and minds in order to create a better world.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach
My TEDxYouth@BFS “Educating for Freedom”

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The Scourge of Hateful Commentary – The Call to Be Kind

Yesterday, Yahoo! News placed an excerpt from my book, Most Good, Least Harm, (that had been posted awhile earlier by Simon & Schuster under the title “10 Easy Ways to Become a Better Person”) on their front page. I found this out when my and the Institute for Humane Education’s websites got a surprisingly large number of hits, and when I started receiving hate mail.

The excerpt was from the end of Most Good, Least Harm in a section which offered a short summation about how to make choices that do the most good and least harm to oneself, other people, animals and the environment. The section was titled, “10 Principles for MOGO Living,” (MOGO being short for doing the most good and the least harm).

Personally, I would never have chosen the new title, “10 Easy Ways to Become a Better Person” for a number of reasons. First, I don’t teach about being a better person; I teach about making choices that do more good and less harm to ourselves and others. Second, the 10 principles are about choices that create a better world rather than better people. But despite the fact that the title could have been off-putting for a list about making MOGO choices, it was hard to believe the staggering outpouring of vitriol that followed. I have never been called so many names before, by people who know nothing about me other than from a short excerpt, taken out of context and given a misleading title, from a book I wrote that is meant to offer people ways to make their lives more meaningful while contributing to a healthier, more just, and more humane world.

The irony was that I’d already written a post for today. It was a short piece with links to several newspaper articles, one of which was the Wall Street Journal’s recent excerpt of Amy Chua’s new book, Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother, which elicited massive amounts of hate mail itself. I’d read that excerpt, and I, too, felt hostile toward Amy Chua. Now I know better than to judge Amy Chua by an excerpt. I pulled my blog post and wrote this instead.

It can be satisfying to vent our anger, especially from the safety of our computer keyboards, but it is damaging, not just to the recipients of our anger, but to all of us. When we fail to dig into information deeply and explore thoroughly, and when our discourse becomes crass and cruel, we close doors to understanding and learning.

I’ve learned from this experience to be ever more careful about my responses to what I read in the news, and to try, ever more diligently, to be kind.

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind

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Despair: The Ultimate Taboo

One of the readers of my Human Overpopulation: The Taboo Topic post sent me an email which launched an interesting exchange about despair. He wondered whether despair was the ultimate taboo topic, especially for activists.

In my years as an activist there has been a profound shift among those who work for change. Instead of indulging our rage against, and even hatred towards, those who exploit, oppress, and destroy, many of us make a spiritual practice of our changemaking efforts, with Gandhian non-violence, Mother Teresa love, and Dalai Lama compassion as guides. We may be angry, but we channel that anger toward action that is positive, healthy, and productive. We may seethe inside, but we practice compassion even toward others who are cruel, until we truly feel the kindness we know it is best to express.

But then there is despair. We work for change, knowing through our own experience that Joan Baez was right, at least much of the time, when she said, “Action is the antidote to despair.” But sometimes, despite our action, we still despair.

But we dare not admit it.

If we admitted that we thought it was hopeless to work tirelessly for change, how would we inspire others to join our efforts? Why would they? If we even admitted it to ourselves, we, too, might stop trying to heal this tattered world. Where would that leave us? With despair and apathy – a soul-destroying combination.

But I believe it’s time to break the despair taboo and see what else might happen when we acknowledge our hopelessness.

I’ll go first.

I sometimes, even often, feel despair.

And then I keep on working. And the reason I do so is because I still have to live with myself, and giving up on my commitment to make a difference and play a role in trying to solve our problems would leave my life bereft of meaning — perhaps even of the capacity for real joy. I suspect I wouldn’t try so hard to be good. And maybe that means I would cause greater harm and suffering, creating a tragic negative feedback loop.

So while I admit to sometimes feeling despair, I refuse to indulge it, because doing so serves nothing and no one. And I imagine that if I did indulge my despair, it could balloon into unremitting depression and hopelessness. If instead I carry on, doing the work I am compelled to do, whether or not it amounts to anything of ultimate value, I keep despair at bay. And I don’t give up on all those who are also striving to make a difference and all those whom our combined efforts do, in fact, affect positively.

Like rage and hatred, despair is a feeling we need to channel, not feed. So if you feel despair, admit it. Express it with those you trust. Then keep on working for a better world despite it.

~ Zoe

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