Look Beyond Either/Or to the Both-And

Posted on April 18, 2011 by zoeweil

I’m swamped with our new graduate programs right now, so here’s a repost from 7/20/09 that I hope you’ll enjoy.

I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways in which we humans seem to gravitate towards “either/or” choices. Either we protect Northern Spotted Owls or people’s logging jobs. Either we invade Iraq or not. Either we pull the troops out or stay. There are more. Either we trust our minds or hearts. Either we are Christian or Muslim. Either we are Republican or Democrat.

Yes, there are people who want to protect owls and jobs, think beyond either/ors and work creatively to come up with the wisest choices in Iraq, trust both their minds and hearts, see the connections between all religions, and consider themselves Independents. But it seems to me such people are the minority.

Among activists, the either/ors are sometimes cast starkly: either someone (or some company or industry) is good or evil. The CEO of Altria (formerly Philip Morris), of Exxon-Mobil, of Monsanto –- they must be evil, while the CEO of Working Assets/CREDO must be good.

It’s just not this simple. But complexity is, well, complex. Commitment to seeing both-ands instead of either/ors demands more from us. It may at first even appear wishy-washy, as if you’ve lost your passion and your commitment if you don’t immediately “take sides.” It shouldn’t. Instead, a commitment to both-and is a commitment to problem-solving at the deepest level. A realization that people have the capacity for dangerous, unwise, unhealthy choices, as well as compassionate, kind, and brilliant choices means that we can try to influence the former, rather than call people names and divide the population into us and thems.

There will be many times when taking sides is exactly what you need to do, but let’s not let side-taking become a knee-jerk reaction to everything that is presented to us in either/or terms. You’ll find either/ors everywhere. Listen for them. And then see if you can determine a more nuanced both-and…and a solution that works for all.

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times
My TEDx talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“

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Minding the Gaps We Can & Cannot Change

Posted on May 7, 2010 by zoeweil

I read an excellent essay, titled “Mind the Gap,” in the spring issue of Thirty Thousand Days, a publication of the ToDo Institute. The gap to which Palmer refers is the one between reality and the ideal of what life should be like. She tells the following story:

“I caught myself in the gap over the Christmas holiday, when my son was home from college. This is my smart, tender, wonderful son, whom I love like life itself. He also can be, shall we say, a bit messy. I examined the kitchen like a sergeant on inspection duty, scanning the countertops for evidence of Sam’s misdeeds – a dirty pan, milk left out to spoil. God forbid. I was actively looking for discrepancies to be aggravated about, which was stupid. I don’t love it when he leaves a mess in the kitchen, but when our time together is limited and there’s so much that’s good, does it really matter?”

Palmer goes on to say:

“It’s possible to make a habit out of this kind of gap-minding. How many of us go about our days focused on how reality fails to meet our image of the ideal; the ideal partner, ideal son or daughter, ideal outcome? I used to do this with my husband. I’d think, damn it, why can’t he be more outgoing? Why can’t he be taller? … It’s a guaranteed formula for disappointment, disillusionment, even depression.”

This is an interesting perspective for activists. Those of us who consider ourselves changemakers live in a world in which we are ceaselessly observing the gap between reality and what we want, and striving for the ideal that doesn’t yet exist. It’s our role. And it’s what has spurred people to action and has led to the end of the American slave trade, women’s suffrage, the 5-day work week, civil rights, gay rights, the Clean Air Act, the Endangered Species Act, animal rights, and so on.

But this is not an either/or. We don’t have to choose between either focusing on the gap or accepting what is. We can do both. The trick is to distinguish between those things that are mutable and able to be influenced and those things that are outside of our power to control.

Palmer could not change the weather the night of a big birthday party she’d anticipated with excitement and prepared for with effort. So when a terrible snowstorm kept more than half of her guests away, she was quite disappointed. She was focused on a gap over which she had no control. Although it appears we may have some control over our children’s messiness or our partner’s behaviors, we have only a bit of influence, if that. By focusing on the gap and insisting we can bridge it, we create stress and conflict.

But it’s also important to note when the gap is bridgeable with our effort and commit to striving for our ideals. It would be unfortunate if people were to accept reality for the sake of personal peace of mind and fail to actively and tenaciously seek out those gaps that need to be narrowed. This is the wisdom so beautifully articulated by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr in his serenity prayer:

God, grant me the serenity To accept the things I cannot change; The courage to change the things that I can; And the wisdom to know the difference.

I hope that I will be able to take Palmer’s words to heart and stop “minding the gaps” that I cannot change and focus instead on minding those I can.

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm

Image courtesy of limaoscarjuliet via Creative Commons.

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We Need Knowledge AND Critical Thinking in Schools

Posted on September 28, 2009 by zoeweil

Once again, an op-ed writer has created another false either/or about education. In “Critical Thinking? You need knowledge” Diane Ravitch argues against what she describes as faddish efforts to teach critical thinking and cooperative learning in schools. She writes: this “skill-centered, knowledge-free education has never worked.” Personally, after 25 years in education (and alternative education at that), I know no one who is promoting “knowledge-free” education.

At the Institute for Humane Education we’ve identified 4 elements that comprise quality humane education:

1. Providing accurate information about the pressing issues of our time
2. Fostering the 3 Cs of curiosity, creativity, and critical thinking
3. Instilling the 3 Rs of reverence, respect, and responsibility
4. Offering positive choices and the tools for problem-solving

The idea behind these elements is to give students the knowledge, tools, and motivation to become engaged solutionaries for a better world. You might notice that the first element is oriented toward the acquisition of knowledge. Like Ms. Ravitch, I agree that one cannot think critically in a vacuum. We must have something to think critically about. But the current educational trends and the assessment of students through standardized, multiple choice tests on memorized information isn’t all that successful at cultivating knowledge, especially because most students promptly forget so much of what they supposedly learned. Why? Because it’s often boring and irrelevant information that is neither contextualized nor made meaningful. Why, for example, did the AP U.S. History students have to memorize the names and dates of all the presidents before the first day of class this fall? How is this information useful? Wouldn’t it be far more useful to read five of the most important presidential speeches and write about their impact on the nation? But I digress.

You might also notice that providing information is simply the first element we believe is important. That information forms the basis for the subsequent elements, the combination of which helps us become better people, stronger thinkers, more engaged citizens, and, ideally, more successful contributors to a healthier world. What use is knowledge if not for improving ourselves and our society and living well, productively, generously, and conscientiously?

Of course students need to acquire knowledge, but the knowledge that they need grows daily, which is why it is impossible to give it all to them. But it is not impossible to provide them with core knowledge and tools for knowledge acquisition which will allow them to become lifelong learners. They must be able to read, to compute, to be technologically literature, and to have a basic understanding of and appreciation for history, literature, the sciences, the arts, and philosophy. But these basics only bring them to the starting gate. They must become critical and creative thinkers to thrive in our world, and more importantly, to contribute positively; and we must give them these tools in school.

I’m so tired of false either/ors that distract us from real solutions to real problems. I know that strong opinions make for publishable opinion pieces in newspapers, but a bit more critical thinking onRavitch’s part would have been nice.

~ Zoe

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Finding the Balance Between Productivity-Obsession and Pleasure-Seeking

Posted on September 18, 2009 by zoeweil

An article in the September-October issue of Harvard Magazine begins, “For all the hand-wringing over their failure to amass savings, Americans may actually be too disciplined.” The article explores the research of Anat Keinan , a professor at Harvard Business School, which reveals that Americans are often too productivity-obsessed, “viewing pleasurable pastimes as wasteful, irresponsible, and even immoral.”

In the activist community, taking time for oneself is often suspect, viewed with criticism. There is, after all, so much work to be done. Years ago, when I was hired by a non-proft, changemaking organization, employees had to work 52 weeks in order to get a single week’s vacation. The message was clear.

There are activists I know for whom endless work brings great joy because it is the “antidote to despair” that I wrote about in a previous blog post, quoting Joan Baez. But for many others, the constant effort to create change, the burden of guilt for indulging in pleasurable activities that don’t “make the world a better place,” and the self-imposed pressure to do good all the time can lead to burnout and depression. I’ve known many activists who’ve simply abandoned changemaking efforts or who suffer from stress-related physical problems and illnesses. This doesn’t do anyone any good.

In my book, Most Good, Least Harm, I profile several people in the section, “Live your epitaph,” who are endeavoring to make the world a better place. One of them, Melissa Feldman , a humane educator and friend of mine, said she wanted her epitaph to read thus: “Melissa did some good and had some fun along the way.” So simple.

Finding the balance that allows us to be happy, joyful people who are full of life and love and who also strive hard to create a better world utilizing our best selves is a challenge, one in which a bit of healthy guilt may spur us to work harder, and a bit of healthy self love may spur us to take care of ourselves and celebrate the glorious miracle of our own existence. This is no either/or but an important both, and that’s worth our effort to cultivate consciously, responsibly, and joyfully.

~ Zoe

Image courtesy of hbp_pix via Creative Commons.


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Look Beyond Either/Or to the Both-And

Posted on July 20, 2009 by zoeweil

I’ve been thinking a lot about the ways in which we humans seem to gravitate towards “either/or” choices. Either we protect Northern Spotted Owls or people’s logging jobs. Either we invade Iraq or not. Either we pull the troops out or stay. There are more. Either we trust our minds or hearts. Either we are Christian or Muslim. Either we are Republican or Democrat.

Yes, there are people who want to protect owls and jobs, think beyond either/ors and work creatively to come up with the wisest choices in Iraq, trust both their minds and hearts, see the connections between all religions, and consider themselves Independents. But it seems to me such people are the minority.

Among activists, the either/ors are sometimes cast starkly: either someone (or some company or industry) is good or evil. The CEO of Altria (formerly Philip Morris), of Exxon-Mobil, of Monsanto –- they must be evil, while the CEO of Working Assets/CREDO must be good.

It’s just not this simple. But complexity is, well, complex. Commitment to seeing both-ands instead of either/ors demands more from us. It may at first even appear wishy-washy, as if you’ve lost your passion and your commitment if you don’t immediately “take sides.” It shouldn’t. Instead, a commitment to both-and is a commitment to problem-solving at the deepest level. A realization that people have the capacity for dangerous, unwise, unhealthy choices, as well as compassionate, kind, and brilliant choices means that we can try to influence the former, rather than call people names and divide the population into us and thems.

There will be many times when taking sides is exactly what you need to do, but let’s not let side-taking become a knee-jerk reaction to everything that is presented to us in either/or terms. You’ll find either/ors everywhere. Listen for them. And then see if you can determine a more nuanced both-and…and a solution that works for all.

~ Zoe

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Economics AND the Environment: Beyond the Dead-End Either/Or Question

Posted on August 11, 2008 by zoeweil

In the August 4 Ethics Newsline , you’ll find the results of a research report that asked the question: Which is more important: Economic Growth or the Environment? The answer to this question, from a Harris poll, is:

“As economic conditions worsen, people who are asked to make a decision between protecting the environment or economic growth and development have moved even more strongly into the economic growth column.”

Why do we ask people to make a (false) decision between protecting the environment and economic growth? Such questions reinforce the regressive perspectives that continually influence us to take sides that don’t serve us. They narrow our vision and stifle our creativity. They are either/or dead-ends instead of both/and possibilities.

We must reframe such questions and ask instead: “What can we do to simultaneously protect the environment and create a healthy economy?”

The pollsters won’t have an easy time analyzing the answers because they’ll receive creative ideas that require pages to describe, but they will have meaningful responses to actually solve economic and environmental challenges. Wouldn’t that be nice?

~ Zoe

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Equinox

Posted on March 20, 2008 by zoeweil

Balanced RocksWe are a species that often gravitates toward poles, toward thinking in either/ors, toward duality. We talk more about night and day than that crepuscular time of in-between. We often castigate our political candidates for nuance and ambivalence, preferring strong rhetoric that comes with black and white thinking, rather than complex analysis that is often wiser (although this may be changing …). We forget that there is not only a middle path, but also the perspective of both/and, in which one thing can be true and its opposite can be true, too.

Too often we feel compelled to narrow ourselves, to decide that we are thinkers rather than feelers; extroverts, not introverts; believers instead of nonbelievers; animal people versus people people; pro-choice, not pro-life; business folks rather than non-profit types; sanguine not melancholic; type A’s not type B’s.

There are times to choose, to cast our vote, to commit to our values through our actions and our decisions – this is true. And its opposite is true, too. In the midst of our choosing, of our taking sides, of our speaking our truth, we can and must remember that we – the human family, the Earth family – are one, inextricably connected, the same despite our myriad differences. We know and learn with our hearts, our hands, our spirits, and our minds.

Openness to all and commitment to our deepest values. Let’s find the balance.

Happy Equinox,

~ Zoe

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