Thinking about Death Prompts us To Live our Lives with Greater Meaning

In this powerful and moving TED talk, Candy Chang shares her New Orleans community’s most fervent wishes. Candy converted an abandoned, graffiti-covered building into a chalkboard wall with these words, “Before I die I want to ____________________.”, repeated over and over. Very soon, her neighbors had shared their deepest desires, and the wall was full of a community’s longings.

This reminds me of one of the keys to living according to the MOGO principle of doing the most good and least harm to ourselves and others. In my book, Most Good, Least Harm, I write about living one’s epitaph. To do so, we must reflect upon what we would want our epitaph to be. Asking ourselves these questions, “Before I die, I want to….” or “What do I want my epitaph to be?” allows us to more fully and deeply lead lives of meaning, purpose and, ultimately, joy.

If we extend Candy’s provocative, community-building, enriching question even further, by asking a slight variation on this question, we can add even great meaning to our lives: What do you want to have done before you die to make this world a better place?

With your one, precious, miraculous life, what matters most?

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm; Above All, Be Kind; and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach
My TEDxYouth@CEHS “How to Be a Solutionary”

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We Succeed With a Little Help From Our Friends

Beautiful ice bubbles at Tunk Stream.

Recently, my husband, Edwin Barkdoll, and I went ice skating on Tunk Stream and Downing Bog near our home in Maine. It had been a dream of ours to skate here: a wilderness we’ve canoed; a place we’ve seen otters and beavers and snapping turtles; a clear stream where green reeds sway under the water like hair in the current, mesmerizing us. And lucky for us, at long last, the conditions conspired to allow us to fulfill this dream.

It was glorious. We could see through the ice to the swaying reeds underneath. Here’s a short video Edwin made that will give you a sense of just how wondrous it was. The bubbles that

More gorgeous ice bubbles over
the clear ice.

formed in the ice were outrageous. I was in heaven.

It wasn’t all bliss though. My foot went through ice twice, in places where it thinned and I wasn’t careful enough, and both my feet got soaked trudging through the snowy woods from the end of Tunk Stream to the beginning of Downing Bog about a quarter of a mile away. But skating at the remote Downing Bog, full of beaver lodges and muskrat mounds beckoned, so we persevered.

Beaver lodge at Downing Bog.

We got to Downing Bog, and the ice was terrible. Downing Bog had clearly been one of those ponds that had frozen prior to the big snow storm, and the ice was crunchy, bumpy, and full of skate-tripping cracks. Plus it was only 15 degrees with 20 mile per hour winds, and we would be skating directly into that wind. But we were here, and for all we knew the ice conditions might improve.

They did not.

Yucky ice at Downing Bog.

We pushed ahead anyway, into the harsh wind, over the bumpy, crunchy ice. It was tiring and not much fun. We set a goal: to get to a big white pine where the bog curved. We’d check on the ice around that curve and decide whether to continue. At the pine tree we saw patches of relatively smooth ice here and there, and so we continued, trying to get from one patch – however small – to the next. Eventually, though, tired and frustrated, I said to Edwin, “Maybe we should just turn back.”

Edwin replied, “We’ll probably never be here again. Let’s keep going.” And so we did.

Soon Edwin was tired and frustrated, and he stopped. As I approached him he said he thought we should head back. I skated right by, calling out, “We’ll probably never be here again!”

“Wise words!” he called back to me and resumed skating.

Before long I stopped again. “I really think we might as well turn around. This isn’t fun.”

“But we’re not there yet!” Edwin replied, meaning the end of Downing Bog, as he continued skating.

And so I continued too.

Soon enough Edwin stopped. He’d had it.

“But we’re not there yet!” I said, still skating. He laughed and joined me.

Finally, we could see the end of the bog, perhaps half a mile away. The ice was now completely, totally crappy. There were no smooth spots anywhere. I was sure Edwin would agree that we were done. After all, we could see the edge of the bog. Wasn’t that enough? I felt quite sure that we’d be in agreement and turn back. But Edwin encouraged me to continue to the point at which we couldn’t go any further.

Despite the wind, despite the miserable ice, we continued to the end.

So what does my long story have to do with you, with humane education, with changing the world?

Everything.

As we skated back, now blessedly with the wind at our back, I couldn’t help but reflect upon the power of partnership to achieve a goal. Neither Edwin nor I would have made it to the end of Downing Bog without support from the other. We probably would not even have begun, but together we did it. We held each other’s dream of success when our own resolve faltered. We provided the boost to morale when it was needed. We were strong when the other was weak, and that strength was enough to carry us both.

There are many videos and stories out there about the power of one individual to make a difference, but the truth is that no one makes a difference without the support of others. Even the greatest leaders and changemakers didn’t succeed without the force of their team of supporters, their partners in action, their compatriots in vision.

As a humane educator, I often ask people what they want to achieve; what systems they want to change; what problems they want to solve. Today I want to ask a different series of questions:

Who can you work with to achieve your changemaking goals? Who can strengthen your resolve when you tire? And whose resolve can you strengthen when they tire? Find a partner on your path to creating a better world. Support each other. It will dramatically improve the likelihood of your success.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach
My TEDxYouth@BFS “Educating for Freedom”

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“Man” is Missing a Better Vision for Humanity

This animated viral video has been circulating on the Internet. It’s entitled “Man” (a dismaying title in an era where sexist language should have faded into oblivion), and it depicts the cruel, destructive manner in which humanity has lived on the Earth. As I watched it, I found myself so eager to see how this animation would demonstrate the transformation we can, and must, experience to fix the messes we’ve created and right the wrongs we’ve perpetrated. No such luck. We just become the victims of even more powerful aliens. No utopian vision this.

In various talks and workshops over the past year, I’ve been speaking about a different reality than what this video demonstrates: a reality in which we are living in less violent, discriminatory, and cruel times; a reality painstakingly researched and described by Steven Pinker in his book, The Better Angels of our Nature. Many don’t believe this reality is actually true, given the horrors in the world: a continuing slave trade, sex trafficking, and gender discrimination; the frightening despoiling of nature; the massive abuse and killing of more than one trillion animals each year, and more; yet it is true.

So as I watched this animated film, I found myself thinking how behind the times it was; how dystopian, when what we need right now are visionary ideas and examples of solutionaries doing the important work that lies ahead. But I do hope you will watch this video anyway, and then construct your own ending, one in which we build a humane and healthy world for all.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach
My TEDxYouth@BFS “Educating for Freedom”

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Filling the Bathtub One Drop at a Time: Small Choices Matter

I came upon this quote by Gil Fronsdal some time ago and tucked it away in a list of quotes I keep:

“Just as drops of water will eventually fill a bathtub, so the accumulation of small choices shapes who we are.”

It’s easy to dismiss the power of small choices. In the scheme of things, what difference does it make if you use a disposable bag at the supermarket or buy a cup of non-organic, non-fair trade, non-shade grown coffee in a Styrofoam cup, or eat a hamburger or chicken leg, or buy a new cell phone? No number of compact fluorescent light bulbs is going to save the world, and with all the problems we face, it’s easy to decide that our every day choices don’t much matter.

And really, if all a conscientious, compassionate person were to do was focus on small everyday choices to ensure they were as MOGO (most good) as possible, the good that would come from this might well pale in comparison to the work of an inventor who creates a solution to an entrenched systemic problem, or an activist who changes a system, or a lawmaker who bans a type of cruelty, even if that inventor or activist or lawmaker made a host of less-than-MOGO small choices each and every day.

Which is why I’m always advocating a both-and approach to changemaking: model your message by making conscious and caring personal choices AND work for systemic change. But Fronsdal’s quote struck me as a new lens with which to view the power of our every day choices. The accumulation of our small choices, how we treat others each and every day (others being not simply those with whom we interact personally, but also those people and animals whose lives we affect through our daily food, clothing, and product choices) adds up. These are the choices that largely define who we become over a lifetime. They matter.

So let’s try to remember each drop of water we are adding to the bathtub that comprises our life and choose it with respect and kindness.

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDx talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach

Image courtesy of missmoney via Creative Commons.

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On Turning 50: Letting Go of Demons & Focusing on Creating a Better World

I turned 50 last week. I’m more fit than at 20, and much happier too. My life feels meaningful and purposeful, and the dominant emotion I experience when I attend to my life is gratitude. But there are still some demons that haunt me, and they don’t abate. I’ve tried to keep them at bay for decades and all my efforts simply keep them from gaining much more traction. I haven’t cast them out.

The biggest one is the “Things aren’t the way I want them to be and they should be different” demon. This is an easy demon to cast out when the thing I want to be different is something I have control over. But when it’s another person’s behavior – especially someone close to me – and I have no control, but still perseverate on their failures to be different, I create suffering: suffering for me certainly, but also suffering for them.

The next biggest demon is worry. I worry a lot. I can catastrophize in a nanosecond. I worry about so many things: family members, of course, but also whether I’ll make a connecting flight; whether I offended someone with something I said; whether we’ll hit peak oil before we have alternative clean fuels; whether we’ll have honey bees in a decade and who will pollinate if we don’t; whether so many species will disappear that a cascade of extinctions will threaten everything we know; whether the twinges I feel in my leg will turn back into debilitating sciatica. You get the picture.

Yet worrying serves no purpose at all.

It might seem that these two demons might be motivators for my changemaking work, but they aren’t. If anything they are impediments. What motivates me to devote my days to my work at the Institute for Humane Education and to creating a generation of solutionaries able to solve global challenges is vision, hope, and love — not worry and frustration that things aren’t the way I want.

In reaching the half-century mark, my goal is to practice letting go of these tenacious demons that have glommed onto me. And I know that this is no easy task. It’s going to require all my own tenacity to refuse to indulge these demons, to prevent them from continuing to forge grooves and pathways in my brain that become ever more entrenched, to divert initial worry and frustration into a new groove of acceptance.

By acceptance I do not mean that I will not seek to create change, but rather to choose where and how to influence and help so that I am more successful, joyful, effective and loving in the process.

That’s my goal for the next 50 years, and I realize that it will take discipline and daily practice to achieve it.

Wish me luck.

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDx talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach

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Changing Behavior in 1.5 Minutes

Check out this commercial:

Yes, this is an advertisement. Readers of my blog know the power of advertising. At the Institute for Humane Education we offer free activities for educators to download, and some of these activities focus specifically on learning to analyze ads. Ads are powerful. Even the best critical thinkers often become strangely brainwashed by the messages they receive through commercials.

So what if ads – those extraordinary, brief agents of what some might call manipulation, others mind control, others just “influence” — were deployed for the good? What change could come from them?

You may actually cry during this 1.5 minute ad. You might actually change a simple behavior, or someone you know might. Pass it on.

Zoe Weil, President Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm

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Do Kids Know Too Much Too Young?

As a humane educator, I’m always walking a delicate balance between exposing youth to global problems that are often horrific and igniting their commitment to use their one precious life to make a difference. Recently, after teaching 6th and 7th graders for several mornings, I wondered if our society in general is creating a kind of apathy among most kids such that they do not feel that it matters much what they do. They know so much. Before I taught about child labor, for example, they were well aware that their shoes and clothes might have been produced in sweatshops by kids their own age. And most of them weren’t inclined to change their habits or choices.

There is a danger in the over-exposure to atrocities and problems among adolescents. They become inured to bad news. This is not true of all children, of course, as the young heroes of our time illustrate. But, when one is exposed to a grave problem in adolescence that shatters one’s innocence and sparks one’s passion for justice, the seeds of changemaking are planted. When instead, the slow seepage of too much bad news and too much destruction pervades one’s awareness, a dangerous apathy can emerge.

I don’t know the answer to this dilemma, nor do I always know how to walk that delicate balance as a humane educator, but I fear for the future if we do not find a way to educate the next generation about the problems we face, provide them with the skills for solving them, and motivate them to choose lives of compassion, service, and courage. I welcome your thoughts.

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times

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Why “Least Harm”?

MOGO is short for Most Good, which is short for the principle of doing the most good and least harm to ourselves, other people, animals, and the environment. Recently, someone asked me why I used the term “MOGO,” which excludes the concept “least harm.” My flip answer was because MOGOLEHA sounds too silly and affected, but there’s another reason, too. The term MOGO is unabashedly positive, and focusing on what’s most good means putting our energy toward what is wisest, healthiest, most humane, and most sustainable.

Many movements for change are accused of being too negative. Environmentalism began to be perceived by some as a big downer, replete with deprivation and hostility toward progress. And many activists who are working to right wrongs, stop atrocities and destruction, and create peace are often angry, embittered, and even despairing, perpetuating a negative image of activism and changemaking.

I wrestled with the title of my book, Most Good, Least Harm. Did I even want “least harm” in the title? Would it perpetuate that negative stereotype? In the end I chose to keep the title and use the term MOGO to push the positive further into the light. But “least harm” is a crucial concept. Even if we are able, some day, to live lives that do virtually all good and no harm, the process toward such living will necessitate many steps along the way in which we attempt to maximize the good and minimize the harm, because we will continually be faced with existing less-than-MOGO systems. It is unrealistic to imagine we will never cause harm, but it is eminently reasonable to bring a clear and committed eye to our choices and do the most good and the least harm. In fact, it makes the MOGO principle practical and meaningful, instead of being pie in the sky.

I find the concept “least harm” soothing. It reminds me that we are imperfect and we need not berate ourselves or suffer unduly from lack of perfection in ourselves or the world. I also find it opens doors to dialogue and bridge-building. We can teach each other more easily when we recognize that everyone causes some harm and does some good. The door is open to learning from each other how we go about achieving this. And finally, it diminishes our self-righteousness when we pay attention to how to minimize the harm we recognize that we cause.

~ Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education

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Is Mindful Choicemaking Burdensome or Liberating?

Some fear that if they look too closely at their choices and discover that those choices have harmful effects on other people, animals, and the environment, they will experience a number of negative emotions. They may worry they’ll feel overwhelmed, despondent, hopeless, conflicted, disempowered, and even bad about themselves if they continue to make choices they know cause suffering or harm. This is why people will sometimes tell me that they don’t want to know about the effects of a certain food or clothing brand or charity (see last blog post). Ignorance is bliss after all.

But ignorance only appears to be bliss. If the world becomes increasingly dangerous, polluted, hot, crowded, conflictual, unequal, susceptible to natural disasters, deforested, desertified, and dramatically loses biodiversity, the ignorant suffer just as much as the informed (and maybe more), as do their unprepared children and grandchildren.

But even though ignorance does not ultimately result in bliss, it can seem “safer” if we think we’ll avoid those potentially negative emotions mentioned above. But is this premise actually true? Is it true that those who expose themselves to knowledge and deeply inquire about the effects of their choices (including food, products, clothing, work, changemaking efforts, and participation in democracy) are less happy and more burdened than those who don’t?

I explore this question in my book Most Good, Least Harm, and from my profiles of people who consistently pursue knowledge to align their choices more deeply with their values, I find that the reverse is true. While these people may say that they occasionally feel overwhelmed, they also report that they feel more empowered and much happier to be living with integrity and creating a better future for themselves and others. In Daniel Goleman’s new book, Ecological Intelligence, he discovers the same thing. He quotes Raina Kelley, a journalist who became a freegan (someone who finds and consumes free and otherwise discarded foods and clothes and products to sustain themselves) as saying, “I really thought that being mindful of my impact on the Earth would drive me crazy but, in the end, it was the most valuable thing I did over the whole thirty days. The more you know about where your food, clothing, entertainment, and shelter comes from, the easier it is to make buying decisions in line with your conscience.” (p. 97)

Goleman’s book is a call for eco-transparency, because when we know, we all become empowered — not just the consumer, but the producer as well. A new website, www.earthster.com, is helping businesses choose suppliers that make more ecologically friendly and socially just choices. Since most of the things we produce have a huge supply chain attached to them, this is a critical component in creating more sustainable systems and products. Individuals who wish to know more and choose more consciously, can visit sites such as www.goodguide.com and www.responsibleshopper.org.

Knowledge allows us to align our choices more deeply with our values, and doing this feels both good and liberating. When we are true to values we are less susceptible to others’ directives, whether from society, peers, neighbors, advertisers, etc., and more wholly and fully ourselves.

~ Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, The Power and Promise of Humane Education and Above All, Be Kind

Image courtesy of Joe_Thorn via Creative Commons.

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Finding the Balance Between Productivity-Obsession and Pleasure-Seeking

An article in the September-October issue of Harvard Magazine begins, “For all the hand-wringing over their failure to amass savings, Americans may actually be too disciplined.” The article explores the research of Anat Keinan , a professor at Harvard Business School, which reveals that Americans are often too productivity-obsessed, “viewing pleasurable pastimes as wasteful, irresponsible, and even immoral.”

In the activist community, taking time for oneself is often suspect, viewed with criticism. There is, after all, so much work to be done. Years ago, when I was hired by a non-proft, changemaking organization, employees had to work 52 weeks in order to get a single week’s vacation. The message was clear.

There are activists I know for whom endless work brings great joy because it is the “antidote to despair” that I wrote about in a previous blog post, quoting Joan Baez. But for many others, the constant effort to create change, the burden of guilt for indulging in pleasurable activities that don’t “make the world a better place,” and the self-imposed pressure to do good all the time can lead to burnout and depression. I’ve known many activists who’ve simply abandoned changemaking efforts or who suffer from stress-related physical problems and illnesses. This doesn’t do anyone any good.

In my book, Most Good, Least Harm, I profile several people in the section, “Live your epitaph,” who are endeavoring to make the world a better place. One of them, Melissa Feldman , a humane educator and friend of mine, said she wanted her epitaph to read thus: “Melissa did some good and had some fun along the way.” So simple.

Finding the balance that allows us to be happy, joyful people who are full of life and love and who also strive hard to create a better world utilizing our best selves is a challenge, one in which a bit of healthy guilt may spur us to work harder, and a bit of healthy self love may spur us to take care of ourselves and celebrate the glorious miracle of our own existence. This is no either/or but an important both, and that’s worth our effort to cultivate consciously, responsibly, and joyfully.

~ Zoe

Image courtesy of hbp_pix via Creative Commons.


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