Breaking Out of Our Comfort Zones

 

 

Image courtesy of p_x_g via Creative Commons.

Like many couples, my husband and I have certain roles and responsibilities in our household. I cook the meals; Edwin does the dishes. I do the gardening; Edwin fixes everything. This works out very well for us. Edwin doesn’t enjoy cooking or gardening, and I don’t enjoy doing dishes and haven’t a clue how to fix anything.

But over time, it’s easy to get stuck in one’s roles and fail to branch out and grow in ways that might be positive and healthy. And so, every so often I push myself out of my comfort zone to do something I wouldn’t normally do.

In addition to being the family dishwasher and fixer, Edwin also does the heavy lifting. If we go canoeing or kayaking, he’s the one to lift the boats on the car and tie them on securely (while I’m usually busy making sandwiches). Edwin got me a paddleboard for Christmas last year after I raved about an experience using a friend’s paddleboard last summer. I love paddleboarding on our beautiful bay, but it’s not easy for me to carry the board very far to go elsewhere. It’s awkward and heavy after about 100 yards or so. But I wanted to venture beyond the bay, specifically to a wilderness area, where we’ve canoed many times, that’s full of wildlife and so serene and lovely. But that meant figuring out how to carry the board a third of a mile, get it on my car, maneuver it over some rapids to get to the flat part of the stream, and portage it over beaver dams and through woods and brambles.

As I headed to where I would put in, I felt my heart beating a little faster than normal. I knew I was about to embark on something challenging for me. Every time Edwin and I had canoed at this spot, he’d always been the one to deal with the canoe, the rapids, the portages, etc., while I simply carried our lunch.

But despite my worries, I did it all with no mishaps. I waded and pushed and lifted the board over the rapids and through the woods. And alone on that beautiful stream, I noticed even more than usual: the green stream grass that looks like gorgeous hair, undulating in the current, turning frizzy when the wind dances on the surface of the water; the hundreds of small and medium-sized fish everywhere in the water; the ubiquitous and postcard-perfect frogs sitting on blooming lily pads; the bald eagle who was so close because she or he didn’t notice me (quiet as I was on that paddleboard); the fluttering black-winged, iridescent green and turquoise damselflies; the dozen beaver lodges and the dearth of dams (most broken, some seemingly being built).

Although the word empowered is so overused, I felt empowered. It was good for me to practice a certain kind of strength and independence. Interdependence is wonderful, and I’m blessed by my 27-year partnership with Edwin, during which we’ve found our best roles; but pushing myself out of my comfort zone has its benefits.

Yet while I’ve shared this personal story about pushing myself out of my comfort zone regarding paddleboarding, the truth is that the even more important ways to push ourselves our of our comfort zones are in relation to how our choices affect others. As readers of our my blog know, I try to live by the MOGO principle: to do the most good and least harm to people (including myself), animals, and the environment, and as a humane educator I try to inspire others to do this as well.

We all have not only roles but also habits. And the truth is that many of our habits are destructive to others. The foods we eat may cause suffering and harm to people, animals, and ecosystems; the clothes we wear may have been produced inhumanely and unsustainably; the energy we consume always has its negative effects; the time we spend outside of our work and family responsibilities may not include the kinds of volunteerism and changemaking that our world most needs from us.

Breaking habits and breaking out of limiting roles may be just what we and the world most need. And chances are, if we’re willing to take the plunge and leave our comfort zones and make some choices that at first appear challenging, we just might find greater purpose, joy, meaning, and a sense of empowerment in our lives.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach

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Hold the Straw…and Other Tips for a Humane & Sustainable Life

Image courtesy of eschipul via Creative Commons.

For my blog post today, I’m sharing a recent post I wrote for One Green Planet, a website dedicated to ethical choices. Here’s an excerpt from “Hold the Straw…and Other Tips for a Humane & Sustainable Life”:

“Almost every time I eat out these days, the ubiquitous glass of water comes with a straw in it. Although I’m in the habit of asking for my water without a straw, about 25% of the time, this request is forgotten, and I get the straw anyway. And it’s everything I can do not to let this seemingly small act impact my mood. I look around me at the people at my table, as well as at every other table, and try to do the math in my head. How much oil is procured to make just a day’s worth of disposable plastic straws? How many are then thrown out each day? What percentage are incinerated? Landfilled? Wind up in waterways?

I realize plastic straws are a tiny drop in the bucket of pollution, but they represent just one of the plethora of destructive habits that we unconsciously engage in daily.”

Read the complete essay.

For a humane world,

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDx talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach

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Do You Tune Out or Tune In to Atrocities?

Zoe’s been busy with speaking & traveling and didn’t have time to write a blog post for today, so here’s a repost from 11/19/10. Enjoy!

I’ve always been struck by people saying that they don’t want to know about a particular atrocity or cruelty or problem in the world. It’s not uncommon to hear this from adults (though rarely from youth). I think the motivation to avoid new knowledge stems from people’s desire to live with integrity. That might sound like an odd statement, but if you learn something that calls into question choices you make, and you really don’t want to change, then you’ll be faced with the unpleasant experience of living without integrity. Better not to know. Ignorance is bliss after all.

But I’m struck by this head-in-the-sand behavior because it’s foreign to me. I’ve always wanted to know. Even if I am unready or unwilling to make a different choice, I’d rather know and live with my discomfort than not know. I’d rather have the opportunity to live more closely aligned with my values.

Over time, though, I’m beginning to understand the disinclination to know. I do get tired of all the bad news, of learning about more problems, of facing my own lack of integrity. This fatigue is helping me understand those people who say, “Don’t tell me about _______. I don’t want to know.” And understanding is a good thing. It helps me build bridges and offer smaller invitations. It helps me teach more wisely and carefully and inspire baby steps toward knowing. It keeps me from being self-righteous, and helps me maintain some humility.

Still, even when I get tired, I know there’s no other path for me. Maybe I’ll take a brief respite from the myriad books and videos that expose me to the grave and horrible problems in the world, but not for long. There’s work to do, and I don’t know how else to live with myself or to live in this imperfect world that needs our good work.

What about you?

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDx talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach

Image courtesy of Identity Photogr@phy via Creative Commons.

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Mark Bittman: “Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others”

I so appreciated Mark Bittman’s March 15 opinion piece in the New York Times, “Some Animals Are More Equal Than Others.” Our hypocrisy surrounding the treatment of animals is stunning, and Bittman’s essay makes the point powerfully as he recounts the ASPCA’s arrest of a teenage girl for killing her sister’s hamster (a felony) while the routine killing (following nothing short of torture) of billions of other animals in our society is not only legal but ubiquitous.

Bittman’s essay describes the sort of unreflective and hypocritical (as opposed to critical) thinking that prevents us from creating a society that is just and humane and healthy, and I would love to see this essay read in high school classrooms, followed by class projects that uncover various inconsistencies within their own schools and our society that require investigation and, hopefully, rectification.

Imagine what would happen if our students became these sorts of critical and creative thinkers.

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm
My TEDx talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach

Image courtesy of meddygarnet via Creative Commons.

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Changing Behavior in 1.5 Minutes

Check out this commercial:

Yes, this is an advertisement. Readers of my blog know the power of advertising. At the Institute for Humane Education we offer free activities for educators to download, and some of these activities focus specifically on learning to analyze ads. Ads are powerful. Even the best critical thinkers often become strangely brainwashed by the messages they receive through commercials.

So what if ads – those extraordinary, brief agents of what some might call manipulation, others mind control, others just “influence” — were deployed for the good? What change could come from them?

You may actually cry during this 1.5 minute ad. You might actually change a simple behavior, or someone you know might. Pass it on.

Zoe Weil, President Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm

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Do You Tune Out or Tune in To Atrocities?

I’ve always been struck by people saying that they don’t want to know about a particular atrocity or cruelty or problem in the world. It’s not uncommon to hear this from adults (though rarely from youth). I think the motivation to avoid new knowledge stems from people’s desire to live with integrity. That might sound like an odd statement, but if you learn something that calls into question choices you make, and you really don’t want to change, then you’ll be faced with the unpleasant experience of living without integrity. Better not to know. Ignorance is bliss after all.

But I’m struck by this head-in-the-sand behavior because it’s foreign to me. I’ve always wanted to know. Even if I am unready or unwilling to make a different choice, I’d rather know and live with my discomfort than not know. I’d rather have the opportunity to live more closely aligned with my values.

Over time, though, I’m beginning to understand the disinclination to know. I do get tired of all the bad news, of learning about more problems, of facing my own lack of integrity. This fatigue is helping me understand those people who say, “Don’t tell me about _______. I don’t want to know.” And understanding is a good thing. It helps me build bridges and offer smaller invitations. It helps me teach more wisely and carefully and inspire baby steps toward knowing. It keeps me from being self-righteous, and helps me maintain some humility.

Still, even when I get tired, I know there’s no other path for me. Maybe I’ll take a brief respite from the myriad books and videos that expose me to the grave and horrible problems in the world, but not for long. There’s work to do, and I don’t know how else to live with myself or to live in this imperfect world that needs our good work.

What about you?

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm

Image courtesy of Identity Photogr@phy via Creative Commons.

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Life Is Short. Stretch Your Boundaries

This summer my son started CrossFit training, an intensive workout approach that amazed me. I watched one morning as he and a friend set a timer and for 15 minutes did repetitions of the following:

5 pull-ups
10 push-ups
15 sit-ups

After the 15 minutes were over they’d done 45 pull-ups, 90 push-ups and 135 sit-ups. Let’s just say that on a very good day I can do 3 pull-ups in a row, and normally just 1 or 2.

I decided that I wanted to get in shape like that. So I joined a CrossFit class. I try to go once or twice a week, and then practice on my own another one or two times. I’ve been so sore since starting this a few weeks ago. I’ve also been exhausted. But in 15 minutes, I can now do 60 push-ups and 100 sit-ups and 160 squats, and I know that’s just a start. It feels great to be 49 and getting into such good shape.

Yet my friends who are listening to me moan and groan about how sore I am are rightly asking, “Why would you do that?” It’s funny this desire to do things we may dislike for a higher purpose. I had a goal for myself a few years ago to be able to run the mile up our local 900 foot mountain. It took a summer of practice to achieve this goal, and I still do it periodically, although I dislike every minute of it. So why do I do it? It’s not for the endorphins, because I’m so depleted afterward that it hardly feels like an exerciser’s high. It’s for the sense of accomplishment. It’s for the sense of competence. It’s for the sense of personal strength.

In a previous blog post I wrote about providing students with the opportunity to experience such a sense of accomplishment using their minds. It is not always “fun” to push ourselves to our limits, whether physically or mentally. Almost 30 years ago I began reading the book Godel, Escher, Bach. It stretched my mind far beyond its limits, so much so that after just 1 hour of reading I would fall asleep – a rarity for a non-napper like me. I didn’t make it through the whole book, but I felt fantastic about what I did learn and how I stretched my mind to its capacity, even though it exhausted me.

In answer to my friends who want to know why I’m doing CrossFit, I’m doing it because I want to stretch myself to achieve all of what I’m capable of achieving, physically and mentally. Life is short. I want to reach my potential.

Zoe Weil, author of Most Good, Least Harm

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Discovering New Things in Old Places

My husband and I decided to hike up a fairly familiar mountain with our dogs, but after we started on the trail, decided to do a detour on a side trail out to a pond we’d never explored. I felt ambivalent about our decision. Because of time constraints, it was possible we wouldn’t make it up the mountain by going on this detour, and I didn’t expect to see much that was new. Where we live in Maine, especially in the winter months, the terrain is relatively predictable. Lots of pines, firs, and spruce trees, granite, and recognizable plants wherever you look. This far north, there’s not the kind of variety one finds in the mid-Atlantic states where we used to live.

We got to the pond, and sure enough, not much to report, but my husband wanted to explore further on an unmapped trail. So we followed this trail, which eventually forked in the direction we wanted, albeit onto what was barely recognizable as a viable path, let alone a trail. I was itching to turn back, in large part because I really wanted to ascend the mountain, and at the rate we were going we wouldn’t have time, but my husband reminded me that we were exploring. And I love exploring! But the truth is that I didn’t believe there was much to explore. While we’d never walked there before, it was the same old terrain.

But then we came upon a glacial erratic, a huge, cabin-sized boulder deposited in the middle of the woods by a glacier thousands of years ago; that wasn’t so unusual, but we found a homemade-in-the-woods ladder up to the top. Then we came upon a beautiful, tropical-looking plant, one neither of us had ever seen in eastern Maine, and then we wandered into an old growth Hemlock forest. We ended up bushwhacking, using a pond as a reference, and came upon a gorgeous cliffy area over the inlet to the pond, replete with massive icicles on the face of a granite cliff. Last but not least, my husband found a gold mine of spruce gum on a downed spruce tree and I chewed this gum the whole walk back to the car.

There are always new things to discover in old places, if we are open to them, and even though I have been writing about breaking out of my routines through my trip to Belize, the real challenge, and the greatest benefit, lies in breaking out of routines and finding a beginner’s mind right at home.

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and
Above All, Be Kind

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How Not to React: Thoughts on Breaking Reactive Habits #2

As I mentioned in my “complaining update” post recently, I went to Belize with an old friend, Erica. She’s someone I love and admire so much, and one of her best qualities is the equanimity I referred to in that post. One of the things I noticed about Erica during our week together was that when I asked her a question, she often paused before answering it. I never once saw her “react.” Instead I saw her ponder, mull, consider, think, reflect, introspect and then (and only then) choose to answer or act. I marveled at this because I am such a “reactor.” I can barely muzzle myself for an instant before I respond to anything – sometimes quite unwisely.

This pausing mechanism is one I’d do well to cultivate, but I sometimes feel like my neurons just fire so fast and my brain has so many “grooves” created over time that bypassing them is like trying to create a new flow for a raging river that’s already carved out a canyon! So here’s my plan for how not to react.

Step 1: Count to 5.
Step 2: Take three conscious breaths.
Step 3: Ask “What is MOGO (most good) in this situation?”.
Step 4: Reflect upon the impact of my decision.
Step 5: Remind myself of what I consider to be the best qualities of human beings.
Step 6: Choose to act consciously, rather than react unconsciously.

I’m working on it. The list is easy to write; so hard to enact.

What about you? How do you act upon your deepest wisdom rather than react through ingrained patterns?

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and
Above All, Be Kind

Image courtesy of cambodia4kidsorg via Creative Commons.

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Caving in Belize: Thoughts on Breaking Reactive Habits #1

The night before I arrived in Belize I changed my somewhat vague plans and headed inland to a mountainous region that’s full of caves. I had the opportunity to join a group of women who were caving for the day with Edgar, our guide. The cave was spectacular, beginning with ceiling holes formed by the guano of bats who hang inside them by twos and threes. The stalactites and stalagmites were straight out of a storybook, and we explored narrow sections we ducked through, huge, cavernous  amphitheatres , and Mayan ceremonial rooms replete with shards of pottery dating back 2,000 years. As we wound our way through, following an underground stream, we arrived at a pool below a waterfall. Unless we wanted to stop there, our option was to swim through the pool, climb the waterfall, swim through more pools, climb more waterfalls, and eventually return by jumping off each waterfall into the pool below. Three of the five of us proceeded, and it was quite an adventure for someone like me who is scared of heights.

Yet, despite my trepidation, doing this sort of thing is so rewarding. I feel so alive when I am facing and courageously conquering my fears, when all my sense are engaged, when I am stretching myself to break out of daily habits. For me, it is habitual patterns of behavior that often stand in the way of making MOGO (most good) choices. My routines, my entrenched neural pathways that have me acting in some of the same unproductive and unhealthy ways month after month, my unexamined and reactive knee-jerk responses all keep me from forging new neural pathways, making more examined and better choices, and becoming liberated to use what Zen Buddhists call “beginner’s mind.”

Caving in Belize left me no choice but to learn anew, shake up patterns, and become fully present. I know I don’t need to travel so far to experience this; I can do it at home by shifting a routine, breaking a habit, and harnessing my will to discipline myself to react less and act from wisdom more. But oh, how challenging this is! Nothing like a totally new experience to offer respite from tired habits.

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind

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