Gratitude in the Midst of Catastrophe

Posted on May 23, 2011 by zoeweil

I received the spring issue of Thirty Thousand Days, the journal of the ToDo Institute, and found tears streaming down my face as I read the post-earthquake/post-tsunami reflections of Yuka Saionji, friend of the ToDo directors, who lives in Japan. I wanted to share some of those reflections with readers of my blog. Enjoy and pass along:

“Last night when I was walking home (since all traffic had stopped), I saw an old lady at a bakery shop. It was totally past their closing time, but she was giving out free bread. Even at times like this, people were trying to find what they can do, and it made my heart warm.”

“In the supermarket, where items of all the shelves fell, people were picking up things so neatly together, and then quietly stood in line to buy food. Instead of creating panic and buying as much as needed, they bought as little as they needed. I was proud to be Japanese.”

“When I was walking home, for 4 hours, there was a lady holding a sign that said, ‘Please use our toilet.’ They were opening their house for people to go to the restroom. It was hard not to tear up when I saw the warmth of people.”

“An old man at the evacuation shelter said, ‘What’s going to happen now?’ And then a young high school boy sitting next to him said, ‘Don’t worry! When we grow up, we will promise to fix it back!’ While saying this, he was rubbing the old man’s back. And when I was listening to that conversation, I felt hope. There is a bright future on the other side of this crisis.”

“At Disneyland, they were giving out candies. High school girls were taking so many I was thinking, ‘What???’ But then the next minute, they ran to the children in the evacuation place and handed it to them. That was a sweet gesture.”

“In Korea, a Japanese man got a cab ride and when it was time to pay, the driver refused and said: ‘You are Japanese, yes?’ Yes. ‘When you go back to Japan, please donate the fee.’ Beyond nationality or politics, we are all the same.”

In gratitude,

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind: Raising a Humane Child in Challenging Times, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDx talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“

Image courtesy of cheerytomato via Creative Commons.

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Reflections on Japan and Our Lives

Posted on March 18, 2011 by zoeweil

When I awoke on March 12 and heard the news on the radio of the earthquake and ensuing tsunami in Northeastern Japan the previous day, I quickly rushed to my computer. I have found myself barely able to tear away from the YouTube videos of the tsunami wiping out villages, the photos, the reports, the stories, the Japanese live streaming news on their NHK English channel, and the many news sources reporting on the aftermath, from the terrifying situation with the Fukushima Daiichi nuclear plant to the displaced people to the economic ramifications, to the activists groups trying to help both people and animals in Japan. Each day I’ve thought to myself, How come I’m not blogging about this? And each day I’ve come up against the truth: I’m at a loss for what to write.

I have no suggestions; I have nothing of value to add. There is no link of relevance, at least not at this moment of crisis, to humane education and MOGO (most good) living, the subjects for which I advocate in our blog. I cannot recommend one particular aid source over another. I have no words to serve as a balm. Yet I feel compelled to write something, because to ignore this tragedy in the pages of our blog feels all wrong.

The Internet provides us with a new opportunity: to know about our extended family of fellow inhabitants of this beautiful planet; but what do we do with this knowledge? How do we do more than “know”? How do we do more than grieve? Certainly we can send money, which the Japanese people need, but what else? And even as Japan suffers, I’m aware that every day at least as many people die from poverty or preventable diseases as died in the tsunami, and many, many more are living desperate and horrifying lives as slaves or political prisoners or simply as women in the many places where misogyny is a way of life. Billions of animals are enduring nothing short of torture in our modern farms and through our various industries.

The plight of all these people and animals is as mundane as the rising sun in today’s world, and consequently, it doesn’t preoccupy most of us as this tragedy in Japan rightly does at this moment in time. But shouldn’t they all have their place in our hearts and minds? And if they should, then how? How do we carry such suffering, and what good can we then do with such knowledge? It is simply impossible to hold it all: the suffering in Japan at this moment, along with with the relentless daily suffering of so many, every day. We were not built to know this much, and yet our technology now enables it; and I believe that we mustn’t turn away.

And so, while I have no words of wisdom, I will make this plea: Along with the good things we do for our family and friends, can we each seek to do one thing each day to help another whom we do not know? Can each of us strive toward one small act of heroism – putting another before ourselves and perhaps at risk to ourselves – at least once each year? And can we each choose a goal, worthy of the gift of our life, toward which we will work in our lifetime to make this world better?

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm

Image courtesy Eastop.

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Challenging Times Call for Kindness, Not Vitriol

Posted on February 28, 2011 by zoeweil

I recently blogged about hateful commentary because, having been subjected to it, I felt compelled to write about it. But I’m revisiting the subject again as an important public issue, one which Maureen Dowd recently wrote about in her New York Times editorial “Stars and Sewers.” Here is an excerpt:

When CBS’s Lara Logan was dragged off, beaten and sexually assaulted by a mob of Egyptian men in Tahrir Square the giddy night that Hosni Mubarak stepped down, most of us were aghast. But some vile bodies online began beating up on the brave war correspondent.

Nir Rosen, a journalist published in The Nation, The New Yorker and The Atlantic, who had a fellowship at New York University’s Center on Law and Security, likes to be a provocateur. He has urged America to “get over” 9/11, called Israel an “abomination” to be eliminated, and sympathized with Hezbollah, Hamas and the Taliban. Invited to testify before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee in 2008 about the Iraq surge, he told Joe Biden, the committee chairman then, that he was uncomfortable “advising an imperialist power about how to be a more efficient imperialist power.”

Rosen must now wish Twitter had a 10-second delay. On Tuesday, he merrily tweeted about the sexual assault of Logan: “Jesus Christ, at a moment when she is going to become a martyr and glorified we should at least remember her role as a major war monger.”

He suggested she was trying to “outdo Anderson” Cooper (roughed up in Cairo earlier), adding that “it would have been funny if it happened to Anderson too.”

Sadly, Nir Rosen’s comments are actually tame in today’s climate in which anonymous commenters (as opposed to paid “provocateurs” and commentators) spew the most vile invective imaginable. It’s my deep hope that those who so readily spread their rage and hatred are the minority, but it’s sometimes hard to reconcile the nasty language of commenters that seems to outnumber the thoughtful and helpful ones.

Here are some words of advice from the late Eknath Easwaran, former Berkeley professor and meditation teacher:

“Please do not indulge in unkind words, in negative comments. Criticism, as you know, can only be useful when it is constructive. Comments can only be useful when they are friendly. So even from the point of view of effectiveness, I would suggest that unkind comments add to the problem. Unloving criticism makes the situation worse. It does not mean that we do not have to comment and suggest. Very often we have to. But it is the mental attitude with which you make the suggestion and the loving concern with which you put forward ideas, sometimes opposed to others, that make for effectiveness.”

Please share Easwaran’s words widely. We need to heed them not only for the sake of civil discourse, but for the sake of effective changemaking for a better world.

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind
My TEDx talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“

Image courtesy of SweetOnVeg via Creative Commons.

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My New Year’s Resolution: Stop Complaining

Posted on January 1, 2010 by zoeweil

In 2010 I’m going to endeavor to stop complaining.

This shouldn’t be too hard, as I am profoundly blessed and privileged. I have all my needs met and so much more. I have a happy 20-year marriage and a healthy, bright, generous son. I share my warm, spacious home with three great dogs and a spectacular cat. I have good friends and live in a wonderful community. I do work that is meaningful to me and others. I have so many freedoms and opportunities that I’ve become almost oblivious to them. There is nothing, not one single thing, that I lack.

Yet I complain all the time. Whether it’s my son’s failure to remove dirty dishes from his room, my husband’s forgetfulness, a slow driver in the fast lane, the weather (too cold, too dreary, crusty snow, wet snow, icy trails), too many demands on my time, extremists in the media, school systems, political systems, economic systems, health care systems, cruel people, prejudiced people, sexist people, homophobic people, myopic people, greedy people.

You see what I mean?

I’m going to try to turn this around, not because I don’t think that there are wrongs to right in the world and things that justify our anger, but because complaining isn’t a positive response to anything.

My plan is to try to reroute the deep complaining grooves in my brain and turn each complaint in a new direction. As I find myself snapping at my son for some infraction or railing against a poor driver, I will try to remind myself of what I’m grateful for (my son’s good qualities; the fact that I am lucky enough to have a car and roads to drive on). When I am distraught over a lack of critical and creative thinking, I will try to remind myself of my own challenges in this arena, my own unexamined biases, and make an effort to compassionately respond with a non-judgmental question, a letter to the editor, a new approach in teaching these skills. In other words, I’m going to attempt to turn reactive negative responses into proactive positive ones and cultivate my gratitude, fortitude, and initiative in creating a healthier, wiser attitude in life.

You may notice I keep using words like “try,” “attempt,” and “endeavor.” I have a friend who doesn’t like such words. “Just do it,” she says. If only it were that easy. Those mental grooves are deep and entrenched, and I know that it takes great persistence and perseverance to divert them and form new grooves. It’s as hard as shifting a mighty river. And so I plan to be persistent, as well as gentle. I’ve asked for my husband’s support. I know it won’t be easy.

May your own new year’s resolutions garner both your own persistence and gentleness, too. May you, too, find support. And may the new year find you growing in wisdom, kindness, and positive responses to a world that needs you.

~ Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and Claude and Medea

Image courtesy of aturkus via Creative Commons.


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Nice Versus Kind

Posted on December 30, 2009 by zoeweil

What’s the difference between niceness and kindness?

To me, niceness is pleasant but a bit anemic, lacking depth and character. It’s not something to strive for or cultivate in any powerful way, unlike kindness, which is worthy of our full attention and the dedication of our lives.

Being kind is a daily practice, not a static quality like niceness can be. While the nice person may avoid a conflict and not tell a hard truth, someone who is kind will search for the right words to share what may not be pleasant, but which may be helpful and loving.

I recently finished the novel, Olive Kittredge (which I highly recommend). Olive is definitely not nice. But sometimes she is profoundly kind. In one chapter, Olive meets a young anorexic woman, and her eyes brim with tears as she speaks truth to this young woman and ensures her care by calling her mother and helping her get treatment. Others had simply been nice to her.

Kindness differs from niceness in another way as well. Niceness is generally perceived as a proximal quality. We are nice to others with whom we come in contact. Kindness is both proximal and expansive. To be truly kind, we must make choices in our lives that do the most good and least harm to all those our decisions affect, no matter how scattered across the globe. This includes making decisions about our work, activism, and participation in democracy — as well as our lifestyle and dietary choices — with the good of all in mind. In an interconnected world, making such decisions requires daily attention. Being kind not only means helping a friend in need, but also supporting a stranger across the ocean whose life may be affected by your product choices, and bringing our talents to bear on solving systemic problems that perpetuate harm and destruction. Nice people don’t necessarily take all these factors into consideration. Kind people do.

Nice people are common, which is… nice. Truly kind people are relatively rare, largely because it takes such commitment, knowledge, and skill to be deeply, consistently kind. Kindness is hard work, but I’ve come to believe it’s the most important work of all. Will our children be successful? Do well at school? Will we get that coveted position and raise? Will we be able to take that desired vacation? We want these things so much, and we strive for them. Would that we would strive so diligently for kindness! Would that every parent would want their children to be kind above all else. Instead of telling our children to be nice, we need to give them the knowledge, tools, and motivation to be genuinely, persistently kind.

~ Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and Claude and Medea

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