The Boston Marathon Bombing Cannot Change the Reality that Goodness Trumps Evil

Posted on April 16, 2013 by zoeweil
Young women consoling each other

Image courtesy Brit/Flickr.

It’s easy to feel despair in the wake of evil.

I read a post on Facebook after the Boston Marathon bombing from a person who wondered if she wanted to keep living after such a senseless, cruel, horrible act of violence. I sympathized. How do we cope with such insanity? How do we hold on to our belief in goodness?

Over the many hours that followed the bombings, practically all I read – on Facebook, through Twitter, and in the news – were outpourings of support and love and care for the victims and their families, and for the city of Boston itself. I read nothing that was cruel or heartless; nothing that supported the bombings; nothing that reveled in suffering.

No, millions of people are expressing love and compassion.

There is darkness in the world. There is cruelty and meanness and wanton violence and political violence. But they are ultimately small acts in the face of massive goodness – awful as they are when they happen. History shows a consistent and relentless shift toward greater democracy, greater understanding and tolerance, greater acceptance. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.” and he was right.

Don’t we see this everywhere: Women voting and going to school; civil rights spreading across the globe; gays and lesbians receiving equal rights in many countries and states; animals receiving protections (albeit still far too limited) unheard of in previous centuries; global outcry against injustice, against exploitation, against environmental destruction?

Are our violent tendencies gone? Of course not. But we are not cheering at the Coliseum as slaves entertain thousands in fights to the death. Instead, we are crying by the millions as our fellow citizens are injured and killed by bombs detonated at a hallmark of our physical achievement: the Boston Marathon.

Let’s remember this: For every person who is evil, there are countless people who are deeply kind. For every murderer, there are people coming to the aid of strangers in droves. For every act of senseless violence, there are thousands of acts of meaningful goodness.

There is a way to speed the arc of the moral universe toward justice. It is through humane education: education of the mind so that we understand each other across borders and cultural boundaries; education of the heart so that we care enough to build a world of kindness toward all people, all species, and the earth itself; education of the hands so that we have the skills and the tools to solve our still very significant challenges, with our wisdom and compassion as our guides.

Let’s commit to this then, to humane education. Let’s make such acts as the bombing at the Boston Marathon, as the abuse of a child, the rape of a woman, the cruelty toward an animal the story of history.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm; Above All, Be Kind; and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxYouth@CEHS “How to Be a Solutionary”

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What a Burst Pipe Taught Me About Gratitude

Posted on March 25, 2013 by zoeweil
Image courtesy Nick Busse/Flickr.

Recently, a pinprick hole in an old pipe caused a flood in my husband’s office, which also serves as the guest room in our home at the Institute for Humane Education (IHE). Not only were the walls, ceiling, and carpeting ruined, but a huge repair job loomed.

My husband turned off the water to stop the continued flooding, and we called the plumber. They couldn’t do anything until the ceiling was demolished, which would enable them to get to the pipe that was the culprit. The plumber recommended a local mold mitigation company, and they were able to come over within two hours. Several really nice, really hard-working guys worked all afternoon and the next morning to solve the problem, and the plumber came back and fixed the leak so that we had water again in our home.

Another friend (who is a builder and who turned our old barn into a guesthouse for the students at IHE using found and recycled materials) came out right away to take measurements for replacing the flooring.

Meanwhile, the mold mitigation people have been talking to our insurance company on our behalf.

Meanwhile, my husband’s work as a veterinarian is flexible enough that he was able to get home from work to clear out his room and minimize the damage.

That night when we sat down to eat dinner and held hands for our nightly ritual, during which we share something for which we are grateful, I realized how tremendously grateful I felt for all the wonderful people who made what could have felt like a disaster not such a big deal.

It’s gratifying to feel gratitude, to know that in the midst of what might otherwise feel overwhelming and terribly upsetting, I can actually feel appreciation and thanks as my dominant emotions. That’s what I learned from our burst pipe.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm; Above All, Be Kind; and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“
My TEDxYouth@CEHS “How to Be a Solutionary”

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The Power of the Smallest Choice

Posted on February 21, 2013 by zoeweil

Back in December, I had the privilege of speaking at TEDxYouth@CEHS alongside Steve Wessler, a human rights educator, trainer, and advocate. His talk, “Having Courage When You’re Scared”  moved me so much, and one story he shared was particularly powerful.

He told us about a high school boy who noticed another student standing in the doorway as a crowd of other students passed by, leaving the school on a spring day, oblivious to this girl even though they had to walk right by her. She looked miserable, like she had the entire weight of the world on her shoulders. As he walked by her, he simply said, “I hope you have a good afternoon.” She didn’t respond as one would expect, her eyes opening wide, and so he looked her in the eyes and said again, “I really hope you have a good afternoon. And I really hope you’re going to do okay.” The next day, on his answering machine was a message from this girl thanking him. She had been planning to go home that day and commit suicide. His simple act of connection and kindness was enough to stop her.

I heard Steve’s talk the same day that I heard about the heartbreaking suicide of Jacintha Saldanha, a nurse, wife, and mother, who was on the receiving end of a prank perpetrated by two Australian deejays. The deejays impersonated the Queen of England and Prince Charles in a phone call to the hospital where Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, was recovering from severe morning sickness. Jacintha was the nurse who answered the phone and, falling for the hoax, patched the call in to the nurse caring for the Kate Middleton. Jacintha killed herself shortly after.

One young woman saved; another woman dead. One the recipient of kindness; the other a recipient of an unkind, thoughtless joke.

How little it can sometimes take to have such a huge impact on another person. How powerful our smallest choices can be.

Please be kind.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“

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Clear Values ≠ Easy Decisions

Posted on February 18, 2013 by zoeweil
Image courtesy michaelaw.

During a recent board of directors retreat at the Institute for Humane Education, our facilitator helped the group (comprised of several new members) get to know each other through a wonderful activity. He’d collected a bunch of quotes and put them in a bowl. We each picked a piece of paper from the bowl, read our quote, and pondered what it meant for us. Then one by one we shared our quote and reflected about its meaning to us.

My quote came from Walt Disney, who said: “When your values are clear, your decisions are easy.”

Not in today’s world, I thought. Really, not even in Walt Disney’s world. Not if your values include compassion, kindness, and living sustainably. Being kind and compassionate and walking lightly in a complex, globalized world requires a great deal of knowledge about a great many things. It may be relatively easy to make kind and compassionate decisions in our interpersonal relationships, but what does it mean to be kind when the foods we eat, the clothes we wear, and the products we use may have contributed to the exploitation, abuse, suffering, death, and destruction of people, animals, and ecosystems?

My values are pretty clear. And I try very hard to live by them. But my decisions are certainly not always easy. Some are easier than others. I don’t want to cause unnecessary suffering and death to animals, so I’ve chosen to be vegan. I don’t want to cause the exploitation and enslavement of people around the globe, so whenever possible I opt for fair trade foods. But few foods actually have such labels; and every day I learn something new, such as how the high demand in the U.S. for the nutritious grain quinoa is now preventing poor Bolivians, for whom it has been a national staple for generations, from being able to afford what is grown in their own country. The truth is that the more deeply I attempt to live according to my values, the more challenged I am and the less easy it becomes to make truly humane and just decisions.

And so when it was my turn to share my quote with the group, I thought how perfect it was that I had picked this one. I had, in fact, written an entire book, Most Good, Least Harm, about the challenges, as well as the joys, of living as deeply aligned as possible with our values. I found myself thinking that Walt Disney’s quote represented a simplistic kind of black and white thinking that I’m trying to depose, by urging people – especially students – to think in ways that are complex, nuanced, thoughtful, and creative, so that they will be able to make wise decisions — a far more important thing to me than easy decisions.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“
My TEDxYouth@BFS “Educating for Freedom”
My TEDxYouth@CEHS “How to Be a Solutionary”

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No Mean Girls Here: The Kindness of High School Girls

Posted on January 14, 2013 by zoeweil

On December 7, I was slated to give another TEDx talk at Cape Elizabeth High School (CEHS) in southern Maine. This was a fabulous TEDxYouth event, and I was so honored to be part of it and to get to be the last adult speaker at the end of the day. The entire junior and senior class at CEHS attended, and loving teenagers as I do, I decided to join them for lunch.

The speakers were all provided with box lunches, so I grabbed mine and headed to the cafeteria. The students were just lining up and the tables were empty, so I sat down in the middle of the cafeteria at one of the round tables that seated eight. I figured students would get their meals and some would join me. I was wrong.

The tables around me all filled up. Some were all boy tables; some mixed, and the one directly in front of me was all girls. It was full, so a couple of girls asked if they could take one of the chairs at my table. I said sure. As I watched them squeeze into the now overfull table, one girl came up and asked if she could take another chair. There were four left at my empty table. I said “sure” again, but added with a smile (not in any guilt-trippy way, I promise), “No one’s going to sit here anyway.”

Moments later, I saw that girl lean over to talk to a couple of others. The next thing I knew, four of them picked up their trays, walked over to me and asked if they could join me. I was so happy to have their company. Kira, Haley, Sammy, and Casey sat down and introduced themselves. They didn’t know who I was, because I hadn’t yet given my talk, but were eager to learn about humane education. They were lovely. They were poised, friendly, compassionate, and bright. They spoke about their school in such positive ways. They talked about the lack of clicks and bullies. They talked about their dreams and interests.

I told the girls who joined me how glad I was that they did. I shared that I was finding myself wondering if I was getting a taste of what it’s like to be an ostracized girl, someone no one will sit with in the cafeteria. We commiserated about what that would be like. One admitted that she has a lunch period each week during a time when none of her friends have lunch and so she spreads her books around her and does homework, ensuring that at least she doesn’t appear ostracized.

Middle and high school girls have a reputation for being mean and gossipy. TV shows like Gossip Girl reinforce this stereotype. I well remember those girls in my own school who fit the stereotype. Even worse, I recall a couple of times when I was truly unkind, too. But this stereotype may have the unintended consequence of reinforcing itself, as it did in the Gossip Girl series when the new Queen Bee of the class felt compelled to be mean, against her desires and nature, to maintain her status. But as often as not, high school girls – like all of us – are kind, and this is the stereotype we should be reinforcing.

My conversation with these girls made my wonderful day at TEDxYouth@CEHS even better. And it reminded me that these lovely young women were not only already making a difference but were also poised to do great things in the world.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“
My TEDxYouth@BFS “Educating for Freedom”

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Just Be Kind: Reflections on Jacintha Saldanha’s Death

Posted on December 11, 2012 by zoeweil

Image

As most people now know, last week two Australian DJs impersonated Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles and called the hospital where Kate Middleton, the Duchess of Cambridge, was being treated for acute morning sickness. They fooled Jacintha Saldanha, the nurse who answered the phone and transferred the call, enabling the impersonators to tape, for all the world to hear, personal medical information about the Duchess.

A couple of days later Jacintha committed suicide.

Obviously, the DJs are not responsible for Jacintha’s death, but their prank raises an important question: can’t we just be kind?  We live in a world in which meanness, deception, and harrassment is well-compensated. The DJs bragged about their success. Until Jacintha’s death, they seemed both thrilled and smug. No longer.

Before we do anything to anyone, it would help to remember these words: “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle.” Would the DJs have made their prank call had they held this sentiment close to their hearts? Would Jacintha be dead and her two teenage children left without their mother? We’ll never know, but the lesson in this is still there for each of us to heed.

Just be kind.

- Zoe

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The Right Alchemy for Doing Good

Posted on November 1, 2012 by zoeweil
Image courtesy of one two one three via Creative Commons.

For my blog post today, I’m sharing a recent post I wrote for One Green Planet, a website dedicated to ethical choices. Here’s an excerpt from “The Right Alchemy for Doing Good”:

“When I was in high school I was at a small gathering at an apartment in Manhattan where there was acquaintance of mine who had fought in the Vietnam War. There was a cat in the apartment, and loving animals as I do, I sat on the couch playing with the cat. The Vietnam vet, whose name I no longer recall, made a nasty comment about having a cat when there was so much human suffering in the world. I recall saying something along the lines of animals being worthy of kindness and care whether or not humans are suffering, but I didn’t engage in a debate. I remember feeling unusually intimidated in the face of his hostility and his obvious personal suffering.”

Read the complete essay.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“
My TEDxYouth@BFS “Educating for Freedom”

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Restoring Our Faith in Humanity

Posted on October 15, 2012 by zoeweil

There were many comments about my recent essay at Care2.com, “We can (and should) care about both people and animals.” Sadly, many of them were deeply misanthropic. I can understand how some people come to hate other humans. Given the cruelty and destruction humans too often perpetrate, it is easy to fall prey to misanthropy. This is especially true for activists who daily face atrocities in an effort to make a difference.

It is difficult to maintain one’s hope in humanity if one is constantly addressing the repercussions of the worst in humans. So for those of you who need a boost and who would like your faith in humanity restored, enjoy these photos.

And here’s a video version:

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“

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Be Kind: Everyone is Fighting a Great Battle

Posted on October 1, 2012 by zoeweil
Image courtesy treehouse1977
via Creative Commons.

Periodically, an essay I write elicits a lot of comments, and when that happens it’s a pretty sure bet that among the thoughtful responses will be a few comments full of vitriol. A recent essay, “Since other animals are predators, why shouldn’t we eat animals?”, was one of those. One responder wrote:

“I truly do feel that you should be free to eat poop. Please start immediately. With any luck for the rest of us in humanity, it will at the very least cut down your time on a keyboard.” 

This was mild (and at least vaguely amusing) compared to some comments I’ve received over the years. Every time I read such commentary, though, I always wonder: Who are these people who write such nasty things? Who resort to name-calling? Who are so full of hate? If I met them, would they be rude and nasty to me in person?

I doubt it.

The great majority of us treat each other civilly when we meet and interact. We are generally polite. But behind our screens and on our keyboards, such civility often eludes us. We feel free to spew our nastiest thoughts at one another. I know how it feels to want to pen my angriest, most judgmental thoughts. I have never written anything truly nasty, but I’ve been sarcastic and snide in writing. I used to make sure that I waited a few hours before sending a letter to the editor about something that made me angry or upset. Often, after calming down, I’d see that my writing wouldn’t advance my cause, that it was reactive, not productive; and I would then modify it before putting it in the mail.

But now our “letters to the editor” are instant responses in the comment sections of Internet sites. Many (most?) of us don’t even proofread our comments; don’t even read them through once before sending them out into the world to do their damage. And they do damage. They prevent real dialogue and discussion. They hamper deeper thought and reflection. They crush creative thinking and problem-solving. They create us and thems and foster hatred.

When next you read something that makes you angry, challenge yourself to respond, not react, with your very best, kindest, and most thoughtful communication skills. Imagine saying those same words if the recipient were looking you in the eyes. Use your words as a gift, not a punishment. Remember the saying: “Be kind, for everyone is fighting a great battle.”

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“

Get tickets now for the October 13 NYC debut of my 1-woman show — My Ongoing Problems with Kindness: Confessions of MOGO Girl – at United Solo, the world’s largest solo theatre festival.

Like my blog? Please share it with others, comment, and/or subscribe to the RSS feed.   

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“My Ongoing Problems With Kindness: Confessions of MOGO Girl” Debuts in U.S.

Posted on May 4, 2012 by zoeweil

On Thursday, May 10, I will be debuting my new 1-woman show, “My Ongoing Problems with Kindness: Confessions of MOGO Girl” in the United States. I’m excited. I’ve already had the nightmare during which the curtain opens and I flub my opening line and forget the rest while standing on the stage barefoot (which my director promises me is a very good sign!).

The show has already had its international debut (in Fredericton, NB, Canada), and the organizer had this to say about it:

“With healthy doses of wit, candor, and insight, Zoe Weil shows us just how tricky — and funny — it can be attempting to live as a full-time compassionate citizen on this wonderful, complicated planet.  If you like laughter, deep thought, and hearty challenges, then you don’t want to miss My Ongoing Problems with Kindness.  Long live MOGO Girl and her growing band of solutionaries!” – Kurt Schmidt

So, I feel set to embark upon this adventure, bringing the issues I care about so deeply to new audiences who wouldn’t otherwise come to a presentation or workshop but would come out to be entertained.

If you would like to bring the show to your community, please let me know.

~ Zoe

Filed under: humane education, MOGO (Most Good), Zoe Weil appearances | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment »

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