Time, Change, and Complacency

Image courtesy Edwin Barkdoll.

We dropped our son off at college a couple of weeks ago. After returning from the 16 hour round trip drive, my husband and I and our three dogs walked down to the ocean at sunset. At one point we were standing by a pool formed at low tide by a ring of rocks. I recalled that when my son was three years old, he waded and played in this pool, and I took a photo of him. Now my husband was taking a very different photo, and our son was in college. The mark of time was suddenly so stark.

But while the passage of time has altered his life, and ours, enormously, little seems to have changed on Patten Bay. The long-tailed ducks still come and congregate in the winter in chatty groups just offshore; the seals bask on the rocks and bark in summer. The loons call. The ospreys return in the spring, as do the herons. The grass and beach heather still grow in the same spots. And while the small rocks move and shift, the big ones stand as seemingly everlasting totems. The sun makes its arc, sometimes narrow, sometimes wide, depending on the season, but predictably, year after year.

And so it is easy to imagine that it will always be this way. The changes we make to the environment – unless they entail clear cuts or mountaintop removals – usually happen slowly. A housing development here. A new shopping center there. A new cottage on the shore. And only over time do we notice how much has changed; how the growth in our human population results in an inexorable encroachment on wilderness.

I’m lucky that the 16 years between the photo that I took of this pool when my son was three, and the photo my husband took a couple of weeks ago, present a generally unchanged landscape. But I remind myself not to be misled. The landscapes, here and across the globe, are changing. The water comes up higher as the seas rise. The oceans are acidifying, and the corals are dying. So many species of fish of are disappearing. It’s critical that we don’t let our inability to easily see visible changes blind us to the realities occurring all around us. If we love this earth, as I so dearly do, we must protect what we love and not become complacent.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach

Get tickets now for the October 13 NYC debut of my 1-woman show — My Ongoing Problems with Kindness: Confessions of MOGO Girl at United Solo, the world’s largest solo theatre festival.

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Phil Zimbardo’s Secret Power of Time and What It Means for Our Kids

Take a look at this RSA Animate video of Phil Zimbardo’s The Secret Power of Time.

As I watched this, I wondered what it would take for all of us to have a healthy balance of past, present, and future orientation so that we would all be able to learn from and appreciate our pasts, live fully in our presents, and be cognizant of and choose wisely based upon the goals we have for the future. Personally, I do not think that it is all that wise for most people to live predominantly in one of these categories and neglect the others. While it’s commonplace today for busy, future-oriented people (like me I’d add) to strive to live “in the present,” I think the real goal for people like me ought to be to live more in the present, and to find that elusive balance that enables us to be fully engaged right now while able and willing to reflect upon the past and eager to live in such a way to create a positive and healthy future for ourselves and others.

When Phil Zimbardo discusses the ways in which our children are now digitally rewired and fundamentally different than their parents in relation to time, and points out the ways in which traditional schooling is a disaster for so many kids – boys in particular – one wonders what the solution might be to raise a generation that is balanced in regards to time in today’s world. There are many ideas that lead to this balance for our children: time spent in nature where wonder may be cultivated; unstructured play time; and limited screen time to allow for a leisurely present that leads to joy and creativity in the early years of life that is later balanced with lessons in history (past oriented) and exploration of current conflicts and problems (in the present) that elicit creative ideas for system-changes and solutions (for a healthy future).

I believe it’s time to abandon any judgments about which orientation is “best,” as the early part of Phil Zimbardo’s talk reveals is happening in Italy, and to do away with the idea that our goal should be to “live in the present” or “wisely plan for the future” or “focus on learning from the past.” We need all of these aspects of ourselves together to lead lives that are joyful and wise, and we need to raise a generation that has the capacity to find the healthiest balance, too.

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of The Power and Promise of Humane Education and Most Good, Least Harm: A Simple Principle for a Better World and Meaningful Life

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Spare Time

The other night my husband and I watched an episode of Modern Family called “Unplugged.” Like the title implies, the storyline followed one family’s challenges to unplug from all electronic devices for a week. It wasn’t very successful. I could relate. I’ve become so addicted to checking email that I can’t even stop at a red light without pulling out my phone to see if anything has arrived in the fifteen minutes since I last checked.

Which is why I relish the hikes my husband, Edwin, and I take each week, living as we do near Acadia National Park and lots of coastline and woods. Away from my computer, I notice the world, move my body, marvel at the beauty surrounding me, and, fairly often, wind up having somewhat odd, and frequently silly exchanges with Edwin. We’ve created our aphorism riddles (see examples here, here, here & here) and Edwin has made up some pretty clever jokes.

During our last venture up a mountain in Acadia Edwin, who loves words, thought it would be interesting to come up with a sentence using words with the ending “iginous.” There aren’t many of them, so you can imagine our dismay when we found out that “litiginous” isn’t actually a word, even though people say it a lot.

Here’s the sentence we came up with:

Vertiginous Virgil vanished from the serpiginous sluiceway on the caliginous coast leaving his lover, litigious Lucy, sobbing and ready to sue.

Now, some might think this isn’t the best use of time. Perhaps we ought to be discussing ways to imbue curricula with humane education and create solutionary teams in schools, but on my breaks from work, it feels just right to play word games and laugh at our strange verbal creations. At least we’re not reading Facebook pages or incessantly checking email.

Zoe Weil, author of Most Good, Least Harm

Image courtesy of gsilva.

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MOGO Gift-Giving #2

Making gifts is really fun. Even if you think you’re the least creative person in the world, there are things you can make that will be better received than any store-bought item, in large part because you took the time to make it. Below is a list of gifts I’ve either made and/or received from others who’ve made them:

• Candleholders made from tree branches using pipe-fittings drilled into the wood to hold the candle
• Cards with photographs or artwork printed on them
• Cookies, pies, spiced pecans, jams, wine, vinegars, pickles, applesauce, cakes, chutneys, sauces
• Scented powders and bath salts
• Balsam pillows
• Bird feeders
• Birdhouses
• Art, sculptures
• Musical recordings
• Paste paper covering otherwise thrown out jars and boxes, turning them into beautiful containers
• Candles
• Crocheted or knitted hats, mittens, booties, blankets, or scarves
• Earrings, necklaces, bracelets, barrettes
• Wreaths
• Collages, scrapbooks, photo albums
• Decorated or painted clothes (from a thrift shop)
• A poem or song
• A coupon book of fun activities
• A treasure hunt for found treasures (shells, sea glass, beautiful rocks)

More tips to come,

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and Claude and Medea

Image courtesy of elana’s pantry via Creative Commons.

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MOGO Gift-Giving #1

Gift-giving season is upon us. In my next few posts, I’m going to offer MOGO gift-giving tips. I’m hoping this sparks your creativity and turns this gift-giving season into a truly pleasurable experience!

My friend Patty loves when the Christmas tree has lots of presents under it, and I can totally relate. Somehow, a tree with just a few presents makes me sad, even though I reject the consumerist culture that surrounds us and pressures us into buying more unnecessary, unsustainable, inhumane, cruelly-produced stuff.

No matter how much I believe that less is more and that voluntary simplicity is wonderful, I love giving gifts, and when it’s time to fill my son’s and husband’s stockings, I feel horrified if the stocking is less than half full. But my husband really doesn’t want anything, and I know that he opens his gifts hoping that I haven’t bought more stuff. Despite my values, some inner child kicks in and demands that the holidays include the right amount of presents. What’s the MOGO answer?

Here’s my first idea, to be followed in the coming posts by more:

Think about who is on your list and ask yourself: “What does this person enjoy doing or want to learn?” Then consider giving a gift of your time to enable them to do what they love. For example, your son may like attending hockey games, so you can give him tickets for a game. Such gifts don’t have to cost money though. Would your best friend like a manicure? Offer to give one. Do you know how to make a craft and does your mother enjoy learning a new art? Provide a lesson. Does your partner enjoy back rubs? Make a coupon book for weekly massages. Does your neighbor admire your garden and want to learn how to grow vegetables? Offer to help him start one. Perhaps your spouse wants more time to pursue an interest. Could you offer to pick up a chore or two to enable her to have that time? Or maybe your partner wants to learn a new language or how to ballroom dance or practice Aikido. Sign both of you up for classes and learn together.

Stay tuned for more MOGO gift-giving tips.

~ Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and Claude and Medea

Image courtesy of wolfsavard via Creative Commons.

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