Clear Values ≠ Easy Decisions

Posted on February 18, 2013 by zoeweil
Image courtesy michaelaw.

During a recent board of directors retreat at the Institute for Humane Education, our facilitator helped the group (comprised of several new members) get to know each other through a wonderful activity. He’d collected a bunch of quotes and put them in a bowl. We each picked a piece of paper from the bowl, read our quote, and pondered what it meant for us. Then one by one we shared our quote and reflected about its meaning to us.

My quote came from Walt Disney, who said: “When your values are clear, your decisions are easy.”

Not in today’s world, I thought. Really, not even in Walt Disney’s world. Not if your values include compassion, kindness, and living sustainably. Being kind and compassionate and walking lightly in a complex, globalized world requires a great deal of knowledge about a great many things. It may be relatively easy to make kind and compassionate decisions in our interpersonal relationships, but what does it mean to be kind when the foods we eat, the clothes we wear, and the products we use may have contributed to the exploitation, abuse, suffering, death, and destruction of people, animals, and ecosystems?

My values are pretty clear. And I try very hard to live by them. But my decisions are certainly not always easy. Some are easier than others. I don’t want to cause unnecessary suffering and death to animals, so I’ve chosen to be vegan. I don’t want to cause the exploitation and enslavement of people around the globe, so whenever possible I opt for fair trade foods. But few foods actually have such labels; and every day I learn something new, such as how the high demand in the U.S. for the nutritious grain quinoa is now preventing poor Bolivians, for whom it has been a national staple for generations, from being able to afford what is grown in their own country. The truth is that the more deeply I attempt to live according to my values, the more challenged I am and the less easy it becomes to make truly humane and just decisions.

And so when it was my turn to share my quote with the group, I thought how perfect it was that I had picked this one. I had, in fact, written an entire book, Most Good, Least Harm, about the challenges, as well as the joys, of living as deeply aligned as possible with our values. I found myself thinking that Walt Disney’s quote represented a simplistic kind of black and white thinking that I’m trying to depose, by urging people – especially students – to think in ways that are complex, nuanced, thoughtful, and creative, so that they will be able to make wise decisions — a far more important thing to me than easy decisions.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“
My TEDxYouth@BFS “Educating for Freedom”
My TEDxYouth@CEHS “How to Be a Solutionary”

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My Solstice Wish for Humanity

Posted on December 20, 2012 by zoeweil

I’m traveling a lot this month, so please enjoy this repost from 12/21/11.

Tomorrow night is the longest night in the northern hemisphere and the longest day in the southern hemisphere. Usually on the northern hemisphere’s winter solstice I write about my experience in Maine, where the darkest night also represents the turning of the year toward light.

This year, perhaps because I’ve been conversing regularly with a couple of people in Australia and New Zealand who read my blog, I’m struck by how limited my solstice message is each year. I’ve really just been writing for those in the North above a certain latitude. Not only are my musings not applicable to the temperate South, they also don’t mean much nearer the equator where most people in the world live. Their days are relatively stable, hovering around half night and half day. The metaphors of entering the darkness and bringing light don’t carry much power.

I’ve always been struck by the fact that the light immediately returns after the winter solstice and immediately ebbs after the summer solstice. Just as summer begins, with its promise of luxuriously long days and nights that go on and on, it is in fact growing darker; and just as winter begins, with its promise of cold and dark, it is in fact growing lighter.

And what this reminds me of, that I hope is applicable to everyone, everywhere on this solstice, is that things are far more intricate than they seem. Longest day/longest night – these are the extremes that mark the vastly larger, more complex, more nuanced life that lies between the poles. Yet it seems that we humans so often cling to those poles, defining ourselves, casting our vote, throwing our lot in with those who profess often simplistic either/ors. We are surrounded by these simplicities, whether they come in the form of partisan politics, diet fads and health regimens, religious dogmas, or economic absolutes. Too often they lead us away from wise solutions to our challenges.

And so my solstice wish for humanity is this: Let us remember that the extremes of longest day/longest night happen only twice every year and that the solutions to our myriad problems will be found in our muddy, complicated, daily world by those who are willing to listen, learn, explore and think deeply and creatively, rather than attach themselves to the loud and obvious absolutes that we humans are so prone to notice and cling to, to our great peril.

~ Zoe

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education
My TEDxConejo talk: “Solutionaries”
My TEDxDirigo talk: “The World Becomes What You Teach“
My TEDxYouth@BFS “Educating for Freedom”

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Barry Schwartz on Practical Wisdom and How We Need This in Schools

Posted on January 10, 2011 by zoeweil

I’m a big fan of Barry Schwartz, and his recent TED talk on our loss of wisdom just adds to my appreciation of him and his work. Take a look:

Many of the issues he addresses in his short talk – teaching to tests, imprisoning people for non-violent acts – are ones I’ve written about in my blog, and Schwartz’s talk dives to the crux of the problem: We are beholden to rules rather than wisdom, and in order to live moral lives we may need to bend rules while we also work toward changing unwise systems.

Systems analysis ought to be a primary subject in schools so that our students can become effective system-changers, developing solutions that transform both grossly unjust and simply unwise systems into ones that are healthy, restorative, humane and wise.

There are numerous systems within schools that are unwise – and Schwartz points out one in his talk that represents a true travesty of education: teaching and attending to only those kids who might pass standardized tests, while ignoring everyone else – and I can think of little else that would be more valuable to our children and our world than educating them in such a way that they have the critical and creative thinking skills to identify, assess, and transform those systems that harm both them and our world.

Zoe Weil, President, Institute for Humane Education
Author of The Power and Promise of Humane Education and Most Good, Least Harm: A Simple Principle for a Better World and Meaningful Life

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49 Rolls: Honoring Aging

Posted on September 17, 2010 by zoeweil

The eve of my 49th birthday, at the end of my Aikido class, I did 49 rolls. It’s a tradition in our and other dojos that on our birthdays we do as many rolls as years we’ve lived. It’s a bit counter-intuitive though. When my young friend Zak turned 16 this summer, he only had to do 16 rolls. Why on earth would we do more and more as we age?! Imagine a centenarian taking a 100th roll!

Yet I love this tradition, one that honors our great capacity for endurance with each passing year. That invites us to celebrate age with more, not less, of what we’re capable of. It’s a way of honoring age with the greatest degree of respect and admiration.

I look forward to 50 rolls in 2011 and to the belief that I can achieve ever more as I age, not less.

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm

Image courtesy of babasteve via Creative Commons.

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Let No One Else Decide How You Will Act

Posted on May 24, 2010 by zoeweil

My good friend and colleague, Mary Pat Champeau, once offered me some words of wisdom, ones that helped her to maintain integrity, equanimity, and calm no matter what the situation. She said, “I try not to let anyone else determine how I will act.” This has been one of the most important pieces of advice that I’ve ever received, and I wish that it came more naturally to me to heed it.

I’m what you might call a reactive person. Zero to one hundred in a split second. I don’t know how to stop my reactive nature, but I do know that I can consciously choose not to act upon my immediate reactions. In other words, if my heart races as adrenalin rushes through me; if my brain has generated immediate, but unwise words; if my body is in flight or fight mode, I can still, albeit with enormous effort, refuse to indulge my reactions and pause long enough to follow Mary Pat’s good advice.

There will always be others who enrage us; who hurt us; who cause us great fear and consternation. But to have integrity, to be true to our deepest values, we must remind ourselves again and again that no matter what another does or what behavior incenses us, we and only we are responsible for our actions and our words. Unless we have been imprisoned or live under a dictatorship (or, as women, under some patriarchal strangleholds), we adults should blame no one else for our actions. We can seek to understand the ways in which we don’t live with full integrity, courage, or honesty. We can look to cultural norms and unhealthy systems that influence us, but as soon as we say or do things that defy our own values, we must look nowhere but in the mirror.

Imagine how your life and those you impact would improve if you were to let no one else decide how you would act, but instead acted based on what you believe and value with your most deepest and fervent effort.

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind

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Practical Wisdom aka Common Sense

Posted on April 14, 2010 by zoeweil

Take a look at this TED talk by Barry Schwartz on our loss of wisdom:

It’s hard to know where to begin blogging about a talk that covers so much ground, and which offers great examples, stories, and humor about why we so desperately need to engage our practical wisdom (and cultivate it among our children) if we want to be able to actually embody all the other good qualities that are necessary for a healthier world.

Barry Schwartz tells one story that I hope will spark your interest in watching the whole talk. A father has taken his son to an event, and his son wants some lemonade. The father goes to get it, and the only lemonade available is “hard lemonade.” The father has no idea that this is alcoholic lemonade (it’s easy not to know if you don’t watch TV and are of an “older” generation), and brings it to his child. A security person sees the child, calls the police, and an ambulance whisks the boy to the emergency room of a hospital where he is found to have no measurable alcohol in his blood. Nonetheless, the department of health and human services puts the boy in foster care for three days, and when he returns home a judge requires that the father move into a motel. Schwartz bemoans the lack of practical wisdom evident in this example. Some would simply call it a lack of common sense.

The talk is especially important for teachers/humane educators. I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind

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How Not to React: Thoughts on Breaking Reactive Habits #2

Posted on April 7, 2010 by zoeweil

As I mentioned in my “complaining update” post recently, I went to Belize with an old friend, Erica. She’s someone I love and admire so much, and one of her best qualities is the equanimity I referred to in that post. One of the things I noticed about Erica during our week together was that when I asked her a question, she often paused before answering it. I never once saw her “react.” Instead I saw her ponder, mull, consider, think, reflect, introspect and then (and only then) choose to answer or act. I marveled at this because I am such a “reactor.” I can barely muzzle myself for an instant before I respond to anything – sometimes quite unwisely.

This pausing mechanism is one I’d do well to cultivate, but I sometimes feel like my neurons just fire so fast and my brain has so many “grooves” created over time that bypassing them is like trying to create a new flow for a raging river that’s already carved out a canyon! So here’s my plan for how not to react.

Step 1: Count to 5.
Step 2: Take three conscious breaths.
Step 3: Ask “What is MOGO (most good) in this situation?”.
Step 4: Reflect upon the impact of my decision.
Step 5: Remind myself of what I consider to be the best qualities of human beings.
Step 6: Choose to act consciously, rather than react unconsciously.

I’m working on it. The list is easy to write; so hard to enact.

What about you? How do you act upon your deepest wisdom rather than react through ingrained patterns?

Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and
Above All, Be Kind

Image courtesy of cambodia4kidsorg via Creative Commons.

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Aikido & MOGO: The Art of Peace is the Art of Wise Response to Conflict

Posted on November 30, 2009 by zoeweil

My Aikido sensei (teacher) was discussing Aikido with us after class last week, and he shared some thoughts on the translation of Aikido as “the art of peace.” Although some do translate Aikido this way, the literal definition is open to interpretation. The word breaks down this way: AI – harmony, KI – spirit, mind, or universal energy, DO – the Way.

My sensei pointed out that as a martial art, Aikido is based on the reality that life includes conflict. After all, we can only practice Aikido when someone initiates an attack of some kind. What makes Aikido unique among martial arts, however, is how the Aikidoist responds to conflict. Although an Aikidoist could easily harm an attacker by meeting conflict with force and aggression, those trained in Aikido choose to use the energy of the conflict to dispel it. The Aikidoist neither allows herself to be harmed nor harms her attacker. In my sensei’s interpretation, Aikido may be more accurately understood as the art of responding well and wisely to conflict rather than as the art of peace.

But if one translation of peace is the absence of conflict, and if the elimination of conflict is impossible, then peace must be understood as a perpetual process, not a static endpoint. We may strive for peace (both inner and outer), but conflicts continually arise. How we meet those conflicts ultimately determines whether or not we create peaceful outcomes.

Seen this way, Aikido can be viewed as the art of peace as long as we recognize that conflict underlies its existence and understand that Aikido is the art of creating the most peaceful, healthy, and kind response to that conflict. In my mind, Aikido is a MOGO martial art – a way to meet conflict by doing the most good and the least harm.

Like my sensei, I do not believe we can put an end to conflict. The MOGO principle, to do the most good and the least harm to ourselves, other people, animals and the environment, provides a philosophy replete with tools – like Aikido techniques – to create the greatest possibility for peaceful, harmonious, healthy, and humane outcomes over and over again.

And as with Aikido, we must practice to become adept at MOGO choicemaking. It takes many years and much commitment to practice to become a good Aikidoist, just as it takes a great effort and commitment to the MOGO principle to truly manifest its potential in our lives and the world.

~ Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm, Above All, Be Kind, and The Power and Promise of Humane Education

Image courtesy of marius.zierold via Creative Commons.

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Mushrooms, Monsters, Gay Marriage & MOGO: Fear of New Things

Posted on November 13, 2009 by zoeweil

A couple of summers ago a large mushroom grew on the path to the ocean by our house. My dog Ruby and I walk this path frequently, but she’s often prancing through the woods and not necessarily paying attention to everything on the actual path. On the particular day that this story takes place, the mushroom had grown rather enormous. Ruby was trotting along in front of me on our way back from the ocean when she saw it.

The monster.

She stopped dead in her tracks. Her fur stood on end and she crouched down. She barked at the mushroom. She shuffled backwards. She barked some more. She became paralyzed. Holding back my laughter, I urged her to come along beside me, but she wouldn ’t budge. She was terrified. After more urging, she inched forward, sniffed the air, but then quickly retreated and ran a circuitous route to avoid the path.

Ah, Ruby. She doesn’t much like new things appearing on her path.

How many of us do?

Last week I wrote on my blog about the sad defeat of marriage equality in my state of Maine. Most people don’t seem to like new things in their path, and gay marriage is still too new for many. It’s scary. It seems huge and dangerous like the mushroom in Ruby’s path. I was quite dejected when I wrote last week’s post, but I feel a little buoyed by some statistics I’ve read since last Wednesday. At the University of Maine, a state school whose student body is comprised primarily of Mainers, the vote was overwhelmingly (more than 80%) in favor of gay marriage rights and against repealing the marriage equality law passed by Maine’s legislature earlier this year. For young people, gay marriageisn’t so scary. It isn ’t so new. They have gay friends who, unlike previous generations, admit their sexual orientation. They have friends whose parents are the same gender. They’re just not afraid of two same-gender people making a life commitment to one another and having the same rights as heterosexuals. It’s no big deal. It’s fair and right.

I bet that if we had big mushrooms sprouting up on the path every day, Ruby wouldn’t be phased by them. She’d lose her fear. So, too, we lose our fear when we grow accustomed to things in our path.

The challenge is to hold our fear at bay when we confront what’s new; to keep our eyes and ears open and receptive to new ideas; to seek to understand and make determinations based on a commitment to do the most good and the least harm. Then perhaps we won’t bark so insistently, nor cower in the face of the unknown, but respond bravely and wisely instead.

~ Zoe Weil
Author of Most Good, Least Harm and Above All, Be Kind

Image courtesy of Sonneteer via Creative Commons.


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Desire ≠ Wisdom, Part 2

Posted on February 2, 2009 by zoeweil

For those of you who read this blog, I imagine that you are drawn to do good. While you may struggle, as I do, to make MOGO choices, you find joy in striving to live your life in alignment with your values. While you recognize that your desires sometimes compete with what you believe is wise, you seek out suggestions and support for choosing a meaningful life that contributes to a better world. And when you choose to fulfill your desires over what you think is actually best, you may suffer some guilt or remorse. Or you may be gentle with yourself, accepting your struggle and honoring all that you do choose to do wisely. Or you may remain in denial about those choices that cause undue harm and focus solely on the ones that do much good. However you deal with your “lapses” or “failures to live your values” you have embraced the journey of trying to live with integrity.

But what about those people who don’t seem to try at all? The pathological liar at work? The pedophile in your community who has damaged dozens of children? The batterer? The animal abuser? Bernie Madoff? We can dismiss such people as sociopaths, but what about all those many, many people who know what you know about the environmental challenges we face, but who choose to buy a Hummer anyway? Or who know about the terrible cruelty perpetrated on animals in factory farms, but eat meat, dairy and eggs from such farms every day? Or who realize that our world is dangerously overpopulated, but who choose to have more than two biological children? Uh oh. You see where this is heading. It’s heading right back to you and to me and to the many ways we, too, fail to make kind, restorative choices.

“But at least we try!” we might exclaim. “They’re not even trying!”

That may be true. Some truly don’t seem to try. They may not care enough. They may live in total denial. Or they may think your concerns are overblown, exaggerated. They may be kind proximally – to family, friends, associates, neighbors, pets – but simply never consider those far away whose lives are hellish because of their choices.

My job as a humane educator is, among other things, to instill reverence, respect, and a sense of responsibility among my audiences. It is to awaken care and concern, and help people to embrace the 3 Is of inquiry, introspection, and integrity so that they, like you, will learn, consider and choose what is kinder, more compassionate, and healthier for all.

I have to believe that most everyone is capable of this; that those who don’t seem to care are able to care if given the opportunity. I have to believe that if we start with children, we will prevent another generation comprised of too many apathetic, dishonest and dishonorable citizens whose desires leave no room for wisdom.

~ Zoe

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